Muse

I was stuck for something to write about, so I wrote about that. Maybe thats how a muse works? Not really about anyone in particular, but vaguely similar to someone I knew at school. No points for spotting the references to finished posts. If you can spot the others, how did you get to see my computer?


I was stuck. Writers block. Nothing was occurring to me, no theme, no idea, nothing. Even a succession of large drinks couldn’t loosen the synapses enough to let something out. I just sat and stared at the screen of the monitor, hoping that something would come. Another drink was too much and I slumped unconscious before the computer. It was dark when I awoke. The computer had gone into sleep mode, but the radio was still playing gently in the background. I heard another sound, the sound of someone breathing quietly. I raised my head painfully and looked around the room. There was no-one to see, but I could still hear the noise. “Hello?” I called out softly. “Who’s there?” There was no answer. As I turned around further I nudged the mouse and the computer woke up noisily, the few lines I had written appearing to mock me. “Why the hell can’t I think of anything?” I swore at the taunting screen.
“That’s why I’m here, maybe I can help you?” A sweet voice came out of the ether.
“Who… Who said that?”
“That was me, your muse.”
“Why can’t I see you?” There was a sigh.
“How come no-one will accept me unless they can see me? All right here I am.” There was a sound like Hundreds-and-Thousands rolling around a cymbal, a dull glow and then silence again, except for the radio still playing. Beside me was a young-looking, alabaster-skinned redhead wearing a simple floral dress. Her fingers were interlaced in front of her.
“Where did you come from?” Another sigh.
“I just appeared here dummy, weren’t you watching? No wonder you can’t write anything.”
“Sorry.” I mumbled, too astonished to say anything else. “Wasn’t very spectacular was it?” She snorted and crossed her arms. “To return to my original question then, who are you?”
“My name is Sarakuk, I’m your muse. A muse of computer short stories.”
“Seems pretty specific.”
“Modern times need modern solutions. And I’ll be more help than that help icon, I promise.” By now I was convinced I was still asleep, that this was some alcohol-induced lateral thinking. “It’s nothing of the sort!” The girl said. “Sheesh! I come here to help and all I get is doubts.”
“How did you know what I was thinking?” I asked.
“I’m your muse. I wouldn’t be much help unless I could see into your mind would I?”
“Is there anything in there that could help me at the moment?”
“No. It’s all pretty disgusting. And you can stop thinking that too!” I went red.
“Sorry muse, but you are kinda cute.”
“Really?”
“Really cute, muse.”
“I suppose I should be used to it by now.”
“You get called on a lot then?”
“Not really. Most of you give up quickly, but you’re a special case. You usually manage to finish what you start.” She held out her hand. “Truce?” I shook it.
“Truce.”
“And can you call me Sara?”
“Sure Sara. What do we do now?”
“How about we decide what this story is about for starters?”
“Errrr…”
“I see. You have no idea. Well, you don’t repeat stories, so we can eliminate what it isn’t can’t we?”
“I suppose.”
“Come on; work with me a little here.”
“Well, it’s supposed to be a romance.”
“That’s a relief.” She rolled her eyes.
“Maybe some fantasy subject?”
“Dream fulfilment?”
“All my stories are some sort of dream fulfilment.”
“They are aren’t they?” Sara stood with her hand resting on her chin. “How about this?” There was another dull glow and a strained tinkling sound.
Suddenly Sara and I were sat on a bus, a late night bus, with two other people.
“Sara, I hate to say this, but your effects need some work.”
“Picky, picky.”
“Anyway where are we?”
“This is a scene you wrote a long time ago, but never finished.” It came to me in a flash. I had written something like this, but couldn’t think where to take it.
“I remember.” I paused. “But I used the loss of memory idea in one story, and the bus became a train in one and a plane in another.” Sara looked ahead for a moment.
“Yes, I see the connections now. Let me think a minute.” She went quiet. The two other passengers talked without noticing us. I took the time to look Sara over. She was really attractive in a cutesy way, almost childlike, but with a great…”
“Hey! I told you before about that.”
“Sorry again.” I blushed. “I can’t help it; you have that effect on me.” The special effects came in again.
Now we were on the banks of a lake. “No Sara, not this. I can never finish this.”
“Sorry.” Sara looked downcast. “It seems so strong though.”
“It is, that’s why I’ll never finish it. It was trying to take some secret thoughts into a story, but it will never work. The thoughts, the feelings, are too private. Try something else.” The effects fizzed again. “Why are these effects so bad?” I asked.
“If you must know, it’s because I’m so low on the list. All the great muses have spectacular effects; I’m such a minor muse I have to take what I can get. Okay? Happy now you’ve humiliated me?”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I am new at this though.” She sighed.
“I’m not exactly a veteran either. We’ll have to learn together.” Another thought popped into my head. “I’m not going to keep telling you about that. If you’re not careful, I’ll go and find someone else.” She went really red this time. I wasn’t sure if she was angry or blushing.
We were in a totally bare landscape, like a blank piece of paper, but there were several songs playing in the background.
“What’s this?” I asked, trying to pick out the tunes.
“This is a concept you had. About writing a story with songs providing the chapters.” I remembered this as well. A good idea that needed the right songs and inspiration too. I told Sara this. “Can’t you think of anything that will go with it?” She asked.
“I keep looking at it, but I think I’m trying to hard with it. Maybe I need fewer songs. Help me muse.”
“I think we’d better leave it a while longer. What about this Saturday night thing?”
“Nope, not going there.”
“The daughter’s life?”
“Needs the right atmosphere. Anyway that’s not a romance, just a series of thoughts.”
“Then I’m stuck too.”
“Are you sure you can help me? All you’ve done so far is show me stuff I know I’m having problems with. Haven’t you got anything new?”
“Look, it’s not that easy for me either. I told you, I’m new at this.”
“How do you become a muse anyway?”
“I’m not sure.” She mumbled. “All I know is that there was a need for me and I became me.”
“Don’t you get any training or anything?”
“No. It’s supposed to just happen. That’s what the others do.” Sara looked really ashamed now. “I’m not really helping am I?” I put my arm around her and gave her a hug.
“I’m sure you’re doing your best.” There was a ZING! And suddenly we were alone on a cliff looking at a sunset over the sea. “Hey! That was a much better effect, how did you do it?”
“No idea, maybe it was you.”
“I doubt that.” I looked around, this setting seemed familiar too. “This is one of my poems isn’t it?”
“Is it? I told you, I didn’t bring us here.” She suddenly looked annoyed. “I bet that Anerbert did this. Sticking her nose into my business.”
“Who?” I asked.
“Anerbert. She’s another muse. Supposed to do computer poetry.”
“Never seen her. Mind you, my poems, although rare nowadays, always just flow.”
“She’s trying to push in, to make me look bad.”
“Just forget her for a while. Let’s enjoy the moment. Just sit with me and watch the sun go down.” I put my arm around her shoulder and took her hand. She tensed, presumably expecting some dark thoughts from me, but when none came, she relaxed. We were sat in a figment of my imagination, in a non-existent place, watching a very beautiful sunset over a sea crashing onto nowhere. It was sublime. I kissed Sara below the ear.
“What did you do that for?” She exclaimed, jumping up.
“It just seemed to be the right thing to do at that moment.” I shrugged. “I didn’t mean anything else by it, nothing to do with my dark side, honestly.” Sara stared at me. I could feel her reading my thoughts. For once they were pure and sincere. Mollified, she sat back down and put my arm over her shoulder once more.
“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting nice after seeing your deepest desires.” I kissed her again.
“It must be you, bringing out the nice in me. Let’s just watch the sun going down for now.” We sat for ages, watching nature’s paint box covering its majestic canvas. Finally Sara spoke again, after the sun had finally dipped below the horizon.
“I’ve had a couple of other ideas.”
“Okay, show me.” There was another ZING! And we were in a restaurant.
“Better effect muse.”
“I think I know how to do it now.” She smiled. It lit up her face. “Now, I know this is one of your completed stories, but you wrote three sequels. How about another?” I considered her suggestion, at the same time casting my eye over two of my favourite creations, eating dinner at an adjacent table.
“I often think of adding to their story, adding in some of the blanks maybe, but…” I paused. “But I always dismiss the thought. I’ve always hated writers who reach the end of something and then go back and alter things by doing just that. Sorry.” Sara didn’t look put out by this rejection.
“I know that, but I would be remiss in my duties if I didn’t suggest it.” She looked at me. “Almost all your other stories seem to have some definite ending. So, no sequels there.” Another pause. “That sci-fi one you finished recently might have some possibilities in that direction though.” She looked at me expectantly. I sat back and considered it.
“I agree, it does have options.”
“There’s a ‘but’ coming isn’t there?”
“But I’d rather wait a while before adding to it.” I smiled. “Keep going, you’re getting close now.”
“Well, I have one last suggestion.” Sara said rather shyly. “You said you wanted to write some sort of fantasy story.”
“Yesss…”
“How about..?” She looked away.
“What?”
“How-about-a-story-about-meeting-your-muse-and-falling-in-love?” The words came out in a rush, as if she was embarrassed to say them. I sat still, stunned. I turned the new idea over in my head and decided it would work.
“Brilliant Sarakuk! Just brilliant. It could work so well, as long as I can think of an ending. Thank you so much.” I leant forward and kissed her. She just sat and beamed at me, slightly perplexed.
And then Sara and the restaurant faded away and I was sat before my computer screen once again. I began to type quickly, before I lost the gist of the thing. I could edit things in later as they came to me. Fairly soon I had the rough outline of the story, but there was one thing still missing; an ending. I suddenly realised I’d left Sara too quickly, that there were some things I’d wanted to say to her, to ask her. And I wanted her to be here, with me when I found an ending.
I worked on the story for a week. Teased it out, added bits, tweaked others, but still I couldn’t think of a way to end it. I needed inspiration from my muse. There was nothing for it; I was going to have to have a drink. I sat listlessly in front of the monitor, wondering how I’d managed to call her up before. There was a familiar ZING! I looked up. “You’re getting good at that Sarakuk.” But it wasn’t her, it was another girl.
“Sorry, but Sarakuk has been re-assigned, I’m covering for her. I’m Anerbert.” She was another pretty girl, but she wasn’t the muse I wanted to see. Then I recognised her name.
“Aren’t you the one who was trying to steal her thunder?”
“That’s what she thought.” Anerbert sighed. “But I was only trying to help her out. She is such a ditzy thing, no concentration.” She looked at me. “I was going to ask if I could help, but I can see that I can’t.”
“Sara has been re-assigned? To what?”
“The call centre. You’re going to ask why aren’t you?”
“Well, it did cross my mind.”
“The management weren’t too happy with her field work.”
“So it’s my fault?”
“Not directly, but…”
“Then I need to speak to this management.” I interrupted. “I need Sara.” Anerbert studied my face, as if considering something.
“All right, I’ll see what I can do. I want to help her too.” She seemed to go into a trance for a moment, presumably to ask permission. Then she spoke in a different voice. “Your appeal has been granted. Take Anerbert’s hand and we will speak with you.” I was a little overwhelmed by this sudden turn of events, but complied.
As I took Anerbert’s hand I had the feeling of movement and then we were in a featureless office. Everything was a pure white or glossy black apart from odd features. A potted plant, a calendar, peoples faces etc.
“Wait here a moment.” Anerbert said in her own voice. “I’ll check that they’re ready to see you.” She knocked on a door to an inner office.
“Bring him in Anerbert.” A mighty voice boomed. A little apprehensively I followed her into the office. It was huge! Away in the distance I could see people working at desks, but my attention was grabbed by the podium in the centre of the office. On it was a gigantic desk, piled high with papers. Behind it was a wizened old man. He beckoned me forward. Now almost terrified I stepped up to the podium, Anerbert beside me. “Why are you questioning my decision boy?” The voice boomed once more.
“Excuse me sir, but I’m not questioning your authority. I merely wish Sarakuk to remain my personal muse.”
“Why? Every time she suggested something, you shot it down. She is obviously inefficient.”
“Pardon me sir, but she and I were both new to this, we were learning together, and in the end, she did provide me with a superb idea. But I need her influence to finish it.”
“What do you say to this, Anerbert?”
“Sir, I will always do as you instruct, but if you are asking for my personal opinion, I think Sarakuk and this man are a perfect match. She may not concentrate like the rest of us, but the two of them seem to work well together.”
“Hmmm. You leave me with a dilemma. I do not wish to seem heedless to your needs, young man, but I have to be seen to be in charge here.”
“Could we not find some compromise sir? I don’t believe Sara should be taken from a job she obviously loves.”
“Possibly. Let me cogitate for a moment.” As he thought, I stepped beside Anerbert and whispered to her.
“Thank you for that. Do you think it will help?”
“I’m not sure, to the best of my knowledge no decision has ever been overturned, but no-one has ever offered a compromise before either, so keep your finger crossed.”
“Sara was wrong about you Annie.” I smiled at her. “You are a good friend.”
“I try to be.” She looked down, blushing. “I wish you’d had problems with your poems so I could have met you first.”
“Sorry Annie.”
The management cleared his throat. “If you two have finished?” We both shuffled our feet. “You sir, must ask Sarakuk if she would be prepared to become human. That is the only way I can be seen to be in control of my muses. She will become an unofficial muse, a human muse. Would that satisfy you?”
“I must admit that isn’t exactly what I had in mind sir. But if it means Sara is still a muse, then I will accept it in the spirit of compromise, even if it means I will not see her again.”
“Well said young man. However, you must still put it to her yourself. Do you understand?”
“Yes I do sir. Will I be allowed to say goodbye to her?”
“If you so desire. Anerbert, please conduct our guest to the call centre rest room where I believe Sarakuk is currently off-duty.”
“You… you are sure you want me to go sir?”
“Indulge me Anerbert.” She nodded and led me away.
Sara was on her own in the rest room. Annie led me in; Sara wasn’t pleased to see her. “You cow! Not content with having me re-assigned, you steal my favourite subject.” She leapt up and was about to strike Annie until I stepped between them.
“Stop it Sara. She’s been trying to help me help you.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Read my mind then, you can still do that can’t you?” Sara stopped and then slumped back down onto her seat. “She’s always just being helpful to you, you just misunderstood.” Annie gave a wan smile.
“It’s true. I’ve always felt sorry for you. You try so hard, but mess it up somehow. Please listen to what he has to say. It took a lot for him to get this deal for you.”
“You’ve made a deal to help me?” I nodded.
“I’ve tried. They won’t re-assign you, but…” I stopped. I wasn’t sure how to put this to Sara, who had become so important to me in such a short time. “If you agree, they will make you an unofficial human muse.”
“For you?”
“He didn’t say. But you will still be a muse, and I know how much you loved that.” I stopped again. “It was the best I could do Sara. If you don’t accept, I’ll understand, but I’ll give up writing.”
“You would do that?”
“If I had no chance of seeing you again, yes. Sorry Annie, you understand.” The other muse nodded. Sarakuk was silent for a long moment.
“If you’re prepared to give up so much for me, it would be churlish to refuse. So, I accept the terms.” There were tears in both her and Annie’s eyes. I could feel my eyes watering too.
“Then all I can say now is thank you, muse, and goodbye.” I leant down and kissed her.
I awoke in front of the monitor once again. I had an ending now, one I didn’t particularly like, but an ending nonetheless. I started to type once more. It was difficult because I had tears in my eyes still. The doorbell rang. Wiping my eyes, I went to answer it.
“Hello! I’ve just moved in next door, but my water hasn’t been connected yet, I was hoping you could fill my kettle so I could give the removal guys some tea.” I stood open mouthed. It was Sara!
“Sure.” I managed to say. “Come in and fill up.” She followed me into the kitchen. As she filled the kettle she turned partially round. “I’m Sarah, by the way. Sarah Cooke.”
“Of course you are. Pleased to meet you.” There was no ZING! But I felt the presence of Anerbert whispering to me.
“Best I could do.” I murmured my thanks.
“What was that?” Sarah asked.
“Oh nothing.” I replied. “Are you interested in stories by any chance..?