Finding A Purpose

Not a great poem. Tried to rhyme a different way, but it doesn't scan well.



It was a moment that time won’t erase,
When I first saw her beautiful face,
Looking sad, tearful and bleak,
A tear rolling down her white cheek,
I stared at her for quite a while,
Then she looked up and gave me a smile,
I knew then that she was the one,
And moved quickly before she was gone,
Within moments I was at her side,
Asking her why she had cried,
She looked at me with some care,
And asked me why I was there,
I said she’d just looked so sad,
And I hoped it was nothing too bad,
She said nothing was wrong
It was only hearing that song,
It made her think of her past,
Of a die that was cast,
Of a love that was gone,
But life carries on,
I saw the hint of a chance,
And asked if she wanted to dance,
She looked up and nodded her assent,
I held her close as if it was meant,
I looked deep into her eyes,
And wondered if this was wise,
And suddenly I knew,
That this would never do,
She would always be,
The girl who was meant for me,
This was not a game,
I had to know her name,
I whispered in her ear,
Then waited for a year,
The time dragged by so slow,
But I just had to know,
She sadly shook her head,
My hopes of joy had fled,
And then she cracked a smile,
My heart it ran a mile,
She put her hand in mine,
And it had felt so fine,
She left me with a note,
And on it she had wrote,
She left me with her name,
But things were not the same,
She’d left me with a quest,
Knowing I’d never rest,
Until once more I’d trace,
The outline of her beautiful face,
My time I’m doomed to spend,
Seeking her is my fated end.

The Office Romance

A second story that I had to leave and go back to. The original premise I couldn't get to work, but turned out well I think.


Hello, my name is Dave and I’d like to tell you about my office romance. I’ve spoken with Megan and she says I can relate the details of our relationship. It all started with my new job. I had been having some problems and needed some time alone to think, the post of temporary night supervisor became vacant and I applied. It was an easy job, collating reports and sending them on to the appropriate people for the next morning. Most of the time I was in the building on my own, but once a night the security guard came over and checked on me. We usually had our meal break at this point in the evening, but after that it was just me. Or so I thought.
After about three weeks in the job I had settled into a routine. First thing was to complete all the reports. Sometimes this took an hour, sometimes as much as three hours. After this my time was pretty much my own unless an urgent job was e-mailed down from head office. After meeting with Mike the security guard, as long as my work was done, I used to check the open plan offices for him, making sure that this building at least was secure. As I said, I was three weeks into this routine when I met Megan. There had been little work to do on the computer, I had met with Mike and done my circuit of the building and now headed back to my part of the office. As I approached I could see that there was someone in the cubicle next to mine. A little surprised, I went over and challenged her. She looked around at me, but didn’t seem startled. I asked if she was supposed to be here and she showed me her ID badge.
Megan Collins was the name on it. I didn’t recognise the name and I hadn’t been told someone else was going to be working. (When I took the post they told me very occasionally a project might need to be finished but I would be told about it when required.) I was about to call Mike when she held out her hand and turned off the walkie-talkie.
“Please don’t.” Was all she said. I sat down beside her and asked what she was doing here at this late hour. “Just checking on how my work is getting on.” She replied. I didn’t press her, I was suddenly aware of how pretty she was. Her long hair not really dark but definitely not blonde, her green eyes framed by thin glasses. I had the feeling that she wanted to talk, but I couldn’t think of anything coherent to say.
“Have you been working here long?” Was the best I could come up with. (“Do you come here often?” for the workplace.)
“I started here about eight years ago.” She replied.
“I can’t say that I’ve seen you before.”
“I’ve worked nights for a long time.” This puzzled me, because, as I said, I thought I was the only one in the offices at night.
“Would you like some coffee?” I asked, getting up and going to the coffee pot.
“I’d love one.” Her voice seemed to fade as I moved away, and when I turned around with two coffees’ she had gone. I stood and looked around the deserted open plan office and she was nowhere to be seen, it was as if she had vanished into thin air.
I called out, but there was no reply. Megan had gone.
I didn’t see her again for nearly a week. When I left that morning I had checked the clock cards, but couldn’t see her name. That didn’t mean much as not everyone clocked in and out. I had a lot of work for the next couple of nights and in consequence didn’t get to speak to Mike. When I did get to speak to him, I had had two nights to realise how pretty Megan had been, but what he told me I could hardly believe. As soon as I asked if anyone else was supposed to be in the building he smiled and said: “You’ve met Megan then?”
“Yes, she was very pretty, but seemed a little distracted, and then she disappeared.”
“Megan Collins was one of your predecessors. She vanished about eighteen months ago. They found her car in the river but not her body. Since then she appears every so often in the offices.”
“She’s dead? A ghost?” I was astonished, she had seemed so solid.
“Yeah. Scared everyone who worked the night shift afterwards.” Mike paused. “She doesn’t scare you?” He asked.
“No, I don’t think so. She seemed lonely, and I thought she wanted to ask me something.”
“Maybe she did. They say ghosts are spirits who can’t rest until some task is finished. Perhaps she wants a hand?” He smiled.
“Maybe.” I looked at him. Either he was telling the truth about Megan, or he could make a fortune playing poker. “If I see her again I’ll ask.”
“Just be careful. I found the guy before you gibbering under his desk. I don’t think he’s been out in the dark since.”
“She means no harm I’m sure.”
Mike got up and pointed to the radio as he left.” If you’re wrong, call me.”
A couple of nights later, as I returned from my walk around the offices, I caught the hint of perfume in the air. I was a little puzzled until I recalled my first meeting with Megan, there had been a hint of perfume then too. Sure enough, she was sitting at the computer next to mine, staring at the screen. I walked up and sat next to her.
“Hello Megan, I’m glad to see you again.” She looked around at me disbelievingly.
“I thought you’d have found out about me by now, Dave.”
“Oh, I have.”
“And it doesn’t worry you?”
“Not at all. I’m intrigued, and by more than one thing.”
“Now I’m intrigued. All right, ask me.” She turned in the chair to face me. Again I was struck by her pretty face, glasses and all.
“How real are you?”
“Not “What’s it like being dead?” how disappointing!” She smiled, and then reached over and grasped my hand. “Real enough I suppose.” Her hand felt warm, not cold like I was expecting, and solid too. “Ask me another.”
“Why are you here, Megan?”
“You want me to go?”
“NO! No. I just want to know what brings you back here.”
“I don’t know actually.”
“I thought ghosts haunted because they needed to finish something.”
“Maybe they do, but I’m not exactly a ghost.” I turned as I heard Mike enter the open plan office. When I turned back, she was gone again.
Mike came over and saw the look on my face.
“She was here again?” I nodded. “That’s twice you’ve seen her. The record is only three.” I sat down distractedly.
“Have you ever seen her?” I asked.
“Me? No. Perhaps I’m not her type?” He laughed.
“You could be right; I was talking to her when you opened the door. In between looking round she vanished.” Mike hummed to himself.
“Perhaps I represent something she resents and doesn’t want to see.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I suppose I represent the company.” He slapped his head. “I know what it is! I was on duty the night she vanished; she feels I should have protected her.”
“But protect her from what? No one knows what happened to her.”
“That’s not the point is it? I’m a security guard and she disappeared on my shift. I was the last one to see her.”
“Tell me what you remember.” Mike sat down heavily, a look of sadness on his face.
“She clocked in, like you do, I said ‘Hi’, she came up here and went to work.”
“How do you know that?”
“I saw her on the cameras.” He said, pointing to the CCTV.
“But not what happened to her?”
“No.” He said, now hanging his head. “I saw her in here when I was doing my rounds, and gave her a wave. When I got back to my desk all the cameras were out, and the tapes were blank.”
“How long between..?”
“About an hour, I wasn’t rushing.”
“Anything else?”
“Well, all the lights flickered about ten minutes before I got back.”
“Possibly that spooked her, she left in a hurry and crashed her car?”
“I never got into my car.” Megan’s voice came from the computer speakers.
“What!!?” Mike and I both said.
“My car, I never got into it.” She said, materialising beside us. “Hello Mike. Long time no see.” Mike looked astonished.
“How did it end up in the river then?” I asked.
“Joy riders?” She said. Mike nodded.
“It’s possible.” He said. “We were having some trouble with kids hanging around back then.” He looked thoughtful, scratching his chin. “I could see what I can find out.” He looked at Megan again. “I should have done it then, I’m sorry, but we all assumed…” He tailed off and then made for his office.
“But what happened to you then?” I asked Megan, perplexed at why she let Mike go off on what was a wild goose chase. Megan sat down and pointed at another chair. I sat, letting her take her own time. It gave me another opportunity to look at her, taking in her business suit and the curve of her calf as she crossed her legs.
“I was working on a project of my own that night, an A.I. program.”
“Artificial Intelligence?” She nodded.
“It was pulling a lot of power from the mainframe, there was a power surge.”
“And that killed you? But what happened to the body?”
“No. I told you I wasn’t exactly a ghost.” She paused, pursing her lips and steepling her fingers. “It absorbed me.”
“What!” I was shocked, it seemed impossible.
“I was absorbed into the program. For the last 18 months I’ve been in the mainframe of the company computer.”
“How come no one has found the program?”
“No one has looked for it. Like Mike, everyone assumed I was in the car when it went into the river. All the reports had gone through, so it looked as if I’d finished and gone home.”
“I need to think about this, Megan. I need to check if it’s possible. I don’t disbelieve you, but it’s a lot to take in.” She smiled benevolently, lighting up her face in a new way.
“I knew you were the one to help me Dave. Call me when you’re ready.”
“How?”
“Just type my name into any document, I’ll know.” She shimmered in a disconcerting way and vanished.
For the next week all my spare time was spent reading, looking at books, documents and scientific papers. They all seemed to confirm that A.I. was a distinct possibility, but almost no-one had considered that a human could be absorbed into an A.I. program. The only one I found was a controversial paper that put forward the possibility of preserving some of the more powerful minds in the world in a similar way to what had happened to Megan. I also found out some things about Megan herself. She was a brilliant programmer who had left university after an argument with a professor to take up the post I now held. It seemed a comedown for someone with an obviously superb mind. I considered this and realised that the night supervisor post was perfect for her to continue her research. There was hardly anyone about, the computer was not being used, and with her skills she would have no problems keeping it quiet. I made my decision. Tonight I would see what she wanted.
Mike had been and gone. His pursuit of what had happened to Megan’s car seemed to bearing fruit, there being a couple of sightings of it when he knew she was still in the office. He was satisfied that a friend of his could get him some surveillance tapes from across the road that would confirm one way or another that it had been stolen. It was immaterial to me now, I believed Megan. I nervously typed her full name into a report. Nervous because I didn’t know what she wanted me to do. I hoped that she didn’t want me to erase her, because I had grown fond of her, possibly more than fond. As I pressed enter Megan materialised next to me, which was still a little scary.
“Hello Dave.”
“Hello Megan.” I stopped unsure about what to say.
“Finished thinking then?”
“Yes. I believe you.” Again I faltered, but carried on. “I also looked you up, I hope you don’t mind?”
“No, it’s nice to have some one interested in me again. What did you find?”
“I found out that you were considered one of the finest programmers at your University, and gave it up to come here.” She was about to speak. “I also worked out why Megan.”
“You seem to have been busy. Did you realise that this was what I was trying to achieve?” She waved her hand down her body.
“Actually, I hadn’t but it makes sense. You used yourself as a test subject.”
“Yes, typical mad scientist behaviour I suppose. I proved it will work, but I can’t let anyone know.”
“Why?”
“Too powerful a weapon in the wrong hands. I could destroy any computer system from within.”
“So you don’t want me to tell the world?”
“Heavens no! I don’t want Mike to know if I can avoid it.”
“I think I can throw him off track. He’s more interested in your car at the moment.” I paused, this was the big question. “You don’t want me to turn you off do you?” A hint of anxiety crept into my voice.
“What? No, nothing sinister like that. I’ve just got bored. I want you to make some additions to my program, so that I can interface with other programs.” She smiled at the worried look that was spreading over my face. “I’ll tell you what to do.” The look didn’t leave my face. “You’re worried about what programs aren’t you?” I nodded. “Nothing sinister, or sexy. I just want to be able to change my clothes, my hair, girlie things that I miss.”
“I like you the way you are Meg!” I blurted out. She gave me a huge grin.
“Why, thank you kind sir! That’s the nicest thing I ever had said to me, even before my experiment.” She held out her hand to me. “Please Dave, two lines of code, I’ll show you how and where.” I looked into her pleading green eyes and melted.
“All right, show me.”
The next few weeks passed quickly, Megan making sure she always appeared the same to Mike when the three of us met and talked. When Mike wasn’t there she delighted in appearing in different outfits which I later found out were part of some mail order catalogues internet ordering service. We sat and talked often. I learnt about what drove her to do what she had done, she learnt about the problems I’d been having which led me here. It was a wonderful time, only saddened by our parting when I had to leave for home. By now my short term contract was nearly up, and I knew I couldn’t leave her, but I also knew they didn’t want to renew my contract. I came up with an idea and hoped we could make it work between us.
The night I put the idea to her she appeared in a Britney Spears schoolgirl outfit.
“Hey! Nothing sexy you said.” I accused. She laughed.
“A special treat for you.” She became serious again. “Something has been worrying you, what is it?”
“My contract is up in a week, and they want to employ some school leaver at half my wage.”
“Oh.”
“I can’t leave you here Meg! I have an idea, but for it to work I’ll need your help.”
“Depends on the idea.”
“It depends on a lot of things. For example, could your program be moved?”
“To where?”
“My computer at home.”
“Probably, the program itself isn’t that big, just needs a lot of power, the materialization that is.”
“But is it possible?” She paused before answering.
“Yes. We could trim some things I suppose, but what makes you think I want to leave here?” I sagged; I should have asked her first! She doesn’t feel the same about me as I feel about her! Maybe she doesn’t feel at all now she’s a computer program. All these thoughts crashed into my head and I was about to turn away when I saw she was laughing. “Idiot! Of course I want to come with you.” She wiped her eyes. “Now, this is what you’ll need to do.” She gave me a list of things to do and some equipment we’d need, like a huge external USB hard drive. I also bought a second computer, brand new, never used, pristine in other words.
Tonight was the night. Not my last night, just in case the plan didn’t work and I had to bring her back. Megan had told me what to trim from the program, and assured me she would still be the same, in fact with a few tweaks, she wouldn’t use anywhere near as much power. I plugged in the USB hard drive, Megan giving me the administrative privileges that I needed.
“Here goes then,” I said, trying not to worry that I’d lose her.
“Wait, just in case I’m wrong about this, and I’m not the same later, I want to tell you how I feel.”
“I think I know Megan, why else would you let me try this?”
“Well, yes I suppose. Anyway, something else I’ve been thinking about. We could set up a business.”
“A business?”
“Yes. Computer repairs, computer security, stuff like that. You be the front man, and I’d go in and tell you what was wrong and how to fix it. What do you think?”
“Well, I was thinking something similar, but I thought we’d better leave it until we know whether it works or not. You might be a genius, but I’m not. I could have screwed something up.” She took my hands, looking deep into my eyes.
“You haven’t. And I love you.”
“I love you too Meg. Shall we see if we did good?”
“Yes. Do it.” I nodded and began to download her program onto the external drive.
I sat at my new computer and plugged in the external drive. Breathing a silent prayer of hope I pressed the ‘Run Program’. The lights dimmed momentarily and then Megan appeared. She looked the same. I breathed out. She looked around the room.
“This is nice, what about the rest of the house?” I laughed and hugged her.
“Go and have a look.”
“In a minute. There’s one thing I need to test.”
“What?”
“This.” She reached out and touched me on the cheek. “Great, I can still feel.” She looked relieved.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I asked.
“I wasn’t sure trimming the program would work completely, I thought I would become a ghost.”
“So, how much can you feel?”
“More to the point, how much can you?” She pulled me to her and kissed me, a long and deep kiss, our first proper kiss.
“Oh, I think I can feel more than enough, Megan.”
As I write this, Megan is downstairs looking around the house. She said I ought to write it down as it was a story that needed telling, and now we had time to tell it.
“Your typing is awful Dave.” Megan says, leaning over my shoulder.
“I thought you were looking over the house?”
“I was, but I just thought of something else I’d like to try…”

Paradox

Another specific subject, more problems talking with women.


The woman I love doesn’t like me,
She thinks I’m a bit of a nut,
So I stand around looking foolish,
And try to keep my mouth shut.

The girl of my dreams just ignores me,
To her I’m barely alive,
Few words to me has she spoken,
Regardless of how hard I strive.

The love of my life doesn’t like me,
She just passes me by,
I just step away quietly,
Sadly wondering why.

The light of my day doesn’t trust me,
She thinks I’m really quite odd,
And hurries away very quickly,
When I look and I smile and I nod.

The woman I love doesn’t like me,
And it’s starting to tear me apart,
I really want to tell her,
That she’s breaking my heart.

The woman I love is leaving,
Heading for pastures anew,
I suppose I’ll have to tell her,
Darling, yes, its you.

Heaven

This story had a long gestation. The first paragraph was written and then I was stuck for ages until inspiration struck. A couple of incidents made their way in and will give the game away if the right person ever sees it. Another song title borrowed. ("The Grand Old Lady" was the nickname of HMS Warspite: See my Flickr name.)


Dean looked up from the desk in his small office when he heard the door open. It was the Captain. He started to rise but the Captain waved him back into his seat, sitting down opposite him. “What strange and wonderful odd job have you got for me this time m’am?” She smiled. A lot of her officers didn’t know why she put up with Dean, and Dean himself wasn’t really sure. But the Captain knew that with all his vast experience in space, now nearly eighteen years, covering almost every area of the ships operation, Dean would rarely fail to find a way to complete any job she asked of him. On the ships roster Dean was nominally what they called a lower deck purser, he was the link between the passengers and the officers, but he also did hundreds of other small jobs, liaising between all the different departments and just generally keeping the Captains job so much easier. And of course, these little extra duties that she asked of him occasionally. Dean had been put up for promotion to junior lieutenant more than once, had actually filled in for some officers from time to time, but had turned the opportunity down, he liked being where he was. The Captain knew all this and accepted it now, making use of his skills when she needed to. This time was slightly different though.
“Dean, an old friend of mine is joining the ship for the run back to earth. Her ship was declared unspaceworthy after some idiot ran their light zipper into the engine. Most of the crew have been re-assigned, but she just wants to go home. I think she’s had enough. I just want you to keep an eye on her. I don’t mean follow her around or wait on her hand and foot, just make sure she’s comfortable.”
“Treat her like the rest of the passengers, you mean?”
The captain laughed. “Yes, I suppose I do, but.” She paused. “Alice has been through a lot and she is my oldest friend, and she has just been involved in what could have been a very nasty accident and...”
“Captain, I know what you mean. I’ll keep an eye on her and she won’t think it’s anymore than my job, I promise.”
“Thanks Dean. Come up to the bridge at 18:00 hours and we’ll go and help her aboard.”
“As you wish m’am.” The Captain left and Dean sat back and wondered what he’d let himself in for this time.

After presenting himself at the specified hour, Dean and the Captain left to collect Alice from the planet below, the Captain piloting the small shuttle herself for the launch, but persuading Dean to take over for the short trip down to the space port. For a long time she had been trying to get him to apply for a small craft licence, but he kept putting her off, saying all he needed to know was the emergency procedure.
Within an hour they were down on the planet, and Dean was looking at a large stack of luggage and wondering how they were going to get it all aboard the shuttle. Alice had seemed a little down at first, but had cheered up when he’d cracked a joke about picking up strange women on distant planets. The three of them hadn’t taken that long to stow all the gear, so they took off again fairly quickly, Dean piloting the shuttle after take-off so the two old friends could reacquaint themselves. He had long ago learned how to listen whilst seeming not to listen, and now hoped to pick up a little inside information on Alice to aid him in his task. He learnt she was marginally older than he was, shared several interests with the Captain much the same as he did, was tired of space travel, but still liked a party. It sounded like she was a fun lady to be with. The Captain took over the shuttle for the docking, so Dean moved next to Alice and struck up a conversation with her, nothing daring, just shipboard chit chat. How was she, was she going to need anything specific, was there anything he needed to know that could make her more comfortable? The Captain chuckled to herself as she heard him. They were questions he had asked a million times, of thousands and thousands of passengers, much as she had, but Dean somehow seemed to make it sound as if Alice was the first he had asked. It sounded like he was really interested in her. The Captain had a sudden thought and turned around to look at the two behind her. She smiled at what she saw; they were both trying to pretend that nothing was happening. But she recognised the soft look in her old friends face, and knew Dean well enough to spot the caring look he was giving Alice. This might do both of them good, she thought as she brought the shuttle in to dock with her ship, “The Grand Old Lady”.

After the shuttle docked the Captain took Alice to her cabin, while Dean oversaw the unloading of her luggage and its transport to the cabin or the hold. He didn’t see Alice again for a couple of days as his time was taken up with readying the ship for its voyage. Getting the passengers aboard and happy was his major priority, but he also had to know where everyone’s baggage was put, he had to settle in new members of his team of stewards and handlers and make sure they knew their jobs. Although it was not his responsibility he also checked that the entertainment staff were all okay as well. This meant he had little time to check up on Alice personally, but he made sure that the staff responsible for her cabin knew she was to be looked out for. As it was, it was a message from the Captain that had him rushing down to her cabin a day after departure. The call found him in his office, updating the last of his lists, Alice was having a panic attack, and the Captain couldn’t leave the bridge as they were about to enter hyperspace. Dean got the nearest first-aider to get to Alice’s cabin and then set off himself. It took him nearly fifteen minutes to get up there, and Alice had been calmed by his staff. As he arrived breathlessly in her compartment she threw her arms around him, hugging him to her. He nodded to the two crewmen who left, smiling.
“Are you all right now?” He asked. She nodded. “First time back in space since…?” She nodded again. “If you get worried and the Boss isn’t available, come and see me here.” He handed her the card with the position of his office on it.
“Thank you.” She said, now much calmer.
“Come and see me anytime you like really.” Dean suddenly blurted out. Alice smiled.
“We’ll have to see.” She said, kissing him on the cheek. Dean turned away, his hand to his cheek, appalled at what he’d just said, it was so unprofessional. And with the Captains best friend! He turned back to Alice.
“Can we keep what I just said between ourselves, I don’t think the boss ought to find out I’ve let her down so early. I don’t know what came over me, I’m sorry.” Now it was Alice’s turn to comfort him.
“If you think Beth will think less of you for being human I won’t tell her.”
“Thank you Alice.”
“One condition.”
“Yes?”
“You dance with me at least once tonight at the departure ball.”
“I can’t dance.” Dean almost wailed. Alice just looked at him. He smiled. “Okay one dance it is.”
“Good.” She kissed him on the cheek again, and pushed him out of the door.
Dean was late for the ball. One of the passengers had wanted something from one of the pieces of baggage they had stored in the hold, and he had had to locate the correct piece of luggage in the correct hold, bring it to the passenger, wait while they got what they needed and then put it back. Subsequently he was not in the best of humour by the time he got to the dance. It just seemed to him that he always got the people who didn’t read the luggage regulations and just packed willy-nilly. He finally managed to slip into the dance about an hour and a half late. He spotted Alice and the Captain over on the far side of the ballroom, but decided to keep out of their way for a while; he may already be in trouble. Instead he dropped into his helpful purser role, moving among the passengers, laughing and joking. More than once one or other of his stewards came up and asked his advice about something or in one case asked for his assistance in removing a tipsy passenger who seemed intent on causing trouble. The man wasn’t threatened, but it was pointed out that it was a long trip and it probably wasn’t a good idea to antagonise the other passengers. He saw sense and ambled off to sober up. Dean finally got himself a soft drink and somewhere to sit down. He scanned the room but couldn’t see the captain or Alice anywhere. As he sipped his drink a slinky voice behind him said:
“I was beginning to think you’d forgotten me.” He turned around and smiled at Alice. He hadn’t seen her when he sat down. “Beth has had to go up to the bridge.”
“Beth?”
“The Captain, the boss.”
“Sorry, can’t get used to thinking of her as anything but the boss. Have you said anything?”
“And miss out on my one guaranteed dance? No, I haven’t said a word. Not that it would make any difference to Beth.”
“She trusts me, so I hate to disappoint her.”
“Disappoint her?”
“Or you for that matter.”
“My lad, you have a lot to learn. And your first lesson is how to dance.” She pulled him to his feet and onto the dance floor.
“Alice you’re very pretty and could dance with anyone in the room, why pick someone with two left feet?”
“Because.”
“Because?”
“Because you look like you need cheering up.” He gave up and let her manoeuvre him into position. The band struck up an old, old slow tune that he happened to know the words too. As they started to dance, Alice pulled his hand behind her back, so that they were looking at each other face to face, and began to murmur the words to the song. Softly, Dean began to sing them with her. She looked up into his eyes and smiled, and laid her head against his shoulder. It was a long song and he’d forgotten how romantic it was, but with Alice held close to him he didn’t care. Eventually the song ended and they pulled away to applaud with everyone else.
“Thank you Alice.” Dean said.
“No, thank you. It’s been quite a while since I was serenaded.”
“Sorry about that, I got carried away. You won’t tell will you?”
“Dean, you don’t need to apologise to a girl for singing to them, and I think it may be a bit late for me to keep quiet.” Alice nodded to one side. The Captain winked at him from the ballroom door. Dean could feel his face redden, and then he remembered that he was due to see the captain in the morning and he groaned.
Dean knocked on the door of the Captains office. He saluted, and then handed her the envelope he had been carrying.
“What’s this Dean?” She asked.
“My resignation Ma’am, after last night I thought it might be best.”
“Dean, you amaze me.” She said, handing it back to him. “Why did you think I would accept this?”
“Well…” Dean faltered. “I just thought that maybe it would be best. I must have broken half the rules for my post.”
“Who asked you to keep an eye on Alice?” She asked. “Who asked who for the dance?” Dean squirmed.
“What about the singing?” He mumbled.
“I’m not sacking someone for singing, however badly.” She smiled again, this time her mischievous grin.
“You heard me then?” He replied with relief.
“Just go away and do what you do best, Dean. Leave the worrying to me.” He saluted and made towards the door. “Just be careful around Alice. She’s my oldest friend, but she can be a bit careless with other people’s feelings. I don’t want to see either of you hurt.”
“No ma’am.”
“And Dean.” He paused in the doorway. “No more singing please.”
“No ma’am”

It stayed that way for the next two or three weeks. Alice settled into the rhythm of the ship and made friends with a lot of the other passengers and crew. They sometimes met when he was on ship business, but she never called on him. He was relieved and disappointed at the same time. Alice had breathed something into him he didn’t think he still had, desire for something other than his job. Then came the big party.
It was The Grand Old Lady’s 5000th planetfall, something not many interplanetary liners achieved, and a huge celebration was held on the planet. Every crewman who could be spared was there. Dean had offered to stay aboard but the Captain insisted he attend. Apparently he had been aboard for more planetfalls than any other member of the crew and so was obligated to attend. The party was one of those momentous ones where no one is sure what happened, even Dean, who was notorious for not getting drunk. He remembered dancing with Alice again, but he also danced with the captain and three or four of the other female crew. What he did remember was sitting and watching Alice for most of the night, increasingly frustrated that he didn’t have the nerve to ask her for another dance. What he really wanted to do was ask her out for a meal, but he never got the chance.

The evening after he was in his office listlessly shuffling paper around, bemoaning the fact he’d broken his own number one rule and got himself involved with a passenger, when the captain came in and sat down opposite him.
“Okay Dean, tell me.”
“Tell you what ma’am.”
“Don’t give me that ma’am stuff. I’m asking as a friend, what is the matter?” Dean sighed.
“I’m sorry Boss, I’ve tried nearly everything I can think off, but the fact is I can’t get Alice out of my mind. I’ve let you and the company down.” He bowed his head.
“I did warn you.”
“I know. The only thing left to try is to add her to my story file.”
“What?”
“I have a small file of short stories about women I’ve fallen for, usually without them knowing. It provides a sort of alternative universe, where “happy ever after” lives.”
“What sort of stories?” The captain asked darkly.
“Oh! Nothing like that, just romances, or in some cases a sort of open letter, just so that I can get my feelings out in the open.”
“Does it work?”
“Sort of. It usually helps.”
“I’ll leave you to it then.” She got up to leave. “Don’t forget the reports though.”
Dean sighed and began his reports for the day. Two for the Captain, one for the engineer and one for the company representative on the planet. He opened a bottle of spirits and he began to write to Alice, confidant that whatever he wrote she would never read it.

He was woken in the morning by a hammering on the door of his berth, next to his office. It was one of his stewards, a pretty girl called Zoë. “Dean, come quick. The Captain has just had a blazing row with her friend in the breakfast lounge.” He was instantly awake and rushed into his office pulling on his uniform. A horrible thought struck him and he quickly looked all over his desk for the letter he’d written for Alice, it was gone.
“Zoë, has anyone taken anything from my desk?”
“Yes, I took all the outgoing post to the delivery office earlier.”
“How many items?”
“Five, four reports and a letter.”
“Oh bloody hell.” He ran out of the office, picking up his resignation again, and hurried up to the Captains office.

Outside the ready room door Dean stopped and composed himself. He knocked and then entered when told to do so. The Captain had her back to him, lost in thought.
“I think you’ll have to accept it this time Boss.” He said, laying the envelope on the desk again.
“Accept what, Dean?”
“My resignation, I’ll stay here until I can find another ship.”
“Exactly what are you talking about, you idiot.”
“Well…” Dean was nonplussed. “Your argument with Alice. The letter I wrote to her has been delivered by mistake, and that must have caused the …” He trailed off. He looked at the Captains desk; the post hadn’t been delivered yet.
“Contrary to popular belief, not everything on this ship revolves around you Dean. Alice and I had an argument about her sudden desire to join this ship. And now I can see why.”
“But…” Dean stopped. “Permission to go and try to find this letter before she reads it ma’am.”
“Well you can try I suppose, but I think it might be too late.”
“Post hasn’t been delivered yet ma’am.” He said, indicating her empty in tray.
“Go on then.” He saluted, picked up his resignation for a second time and ran for the door.
The Captain smiled to herself, her devious little plan seemed to be working. What Dean hadn’t seen at the planetfall ball had been Alice watching him like he had been watching her. She had decided on some positive action to resolve the impasse the pair had got themselves in. After her meeting with Dean the previous evening the Captain had found Zoë and made sure she would collect all the papers on Dean’s desk and personally deliver anything that wasn’t a report. She’d also got her to make it sound like it was an accident. Zoë was a good girl, officer material, and understood what was expected of her. That had worked well; the morning’s argument had been a happy accident and had been a suitable catalyst. She sat back and wondered how they were going to mess it up this time.

Alice’s cabin was locked, but Dean knew more than one way of gaining access to a locked cabin. He slipped in, making sure Alice was absent, and then began to look for the offending letter. It wasn’t here; it must still be at the delivery office! He turned and was about to leave when Alice came in.
“So, she sent you to talk to me did she?” Dean was horrified, now he was really in trouble.
“Alice, please listen. I’m here to try and prevent a tragedy.”
“Don’t be so dramatic. Beth and I argue all the time, we’ll get over it.”
“It’s not that, it’s… It’s something I’ve done. A mistake. A letter that…”He stopped. He could see the open letter in her hand. “Have you read it Alice?” He asked in a small voice, not sure which answer was going to be better.
“It is addressed to me.”
“I know, but it was never meant to be sent. It was just a way to try and put you out of my mind.”
“I’m not sure that I want to be put out of your mind.”
“What do you mean?”
“Dean, no one has ever written such a heartfelt, beautiful letter to me. I never realised how you felt for me.” Dean looked down. It was going to be difficult but he was going to have to say the words.
“Alice, I’m really sorry. I find it hard to talk to women, but it’s easy to write what I feel, especially if I have a drink. And last night everything just flowed. I’ve never written so much at once before.” He stopped, not knowing what to say next.
“Why didn’t you say anything, all the time we could have been together and you wasted it.” Dean was a little shocked to hear the bitterness in her voice and then he knew why.
“Why didn’t you say anything to me, Alice?” He asked quietly.
“Oh, well, it seemed wrong. At first I thought you and Beth had something going, and then I was embarrassed about thinking that, and then you were hardly speaking to me and…” She tailed off when she saw the look on his face.
“Me and the Captain? But… but she’s the captain.”
“I figured that out and then asked her about you.”
“Why?”
“Well I thought maybe you were not interested in women.”
“I don’t give that impression do I?” Dean asked worriedly.
“No, you don’t, but my usual charms didn’t seem to be working so I thought I’d ask Beth.”
“You asked the Captain that?”
“Yes, she thought it was funny.”
“I think I’d better go and hand this over for a third time.” He sighed, taking his resignation out yet again. It was starting to look a little worn. Alice snatched it out of his hands and tore it up. Then she took his head in her hands and pulled him to her, kissing him like her life depended on it. Dean started to pull away, but gave in to his feelings. He spoke as they parted.
“The boss warned me about you, and I warn all my team about falling in love with passengers, and here I am, disregarding every piece of advice, every sensible rule, and do you know, I don’t care anymore.”
“You are a straight-laced over-romantic nut, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I’m afraid I am.”
“What are we going to do now?” Alice asked him, a sparkle of mischief in her eyes. He stopped to think, and put his arm around her, kissing her on the cheek.
“Well.” Dean said slowly. “We could always ask the Captain to marry us…”

You

Companion to "Heaven". Written specifically for one person.


Do you ever think of me?
Occasionally or at all?
Or am I just a memory,
That you don’t recall?

Our meetings are so rare
And I don’t know you well
But if you’d like to listen
Some things I’d like to tell

I like to see you smile
It brightens up my year
If only for the fact
That it means that you are near

If you are upset
It’s as much as I can bear
I want to hold you close
And tell you that I care

I’d like to make you happy
If only for an hour
But I cannot do it
Although it’s in my power

I’m worried if I ask
You’ll laugh and turn away
So I just do nothing
For yet another day

If I get the courage
And ask you for a meal
Realise what I go through
To tell you how I feel

Don’t dismiss me lightly
Before you just say no
Who knows what may come of it
If you don’t answer so

Maybe I’ll be interesting
Witty, smart, urbane
More likely I’ll be funny
To cover up the pain

So if I ever find the words
I think I need to say
Please listen very carefully
Before I go away

I need to make the first move
But I just don’t know how
I sit and think and wonder
About what you’re doing now

Maybe I should just face the facts
We’re never meant to be
So many things to overcome
And the biggest one is me

On The Rocks

Used some stuff from "Someone Else" because I didn't think that worked too well. More real incidents, mostly fiction.


I don’t know how it was me who was selected to be the fourth member of the office staff who was to go to the exhibition. All I do know was that with the upper management going to deal with the joint unveiling of the new concept vehicle they needed someone else to go and make the rounds of all the contacts. I suppose I already knew a fair number of these, and so I was elected as one of them. With Wendy being selected as the other member of the team ahead of me, I expect the fact that I was more or less her self-elected bodyguard on these sorts of things practically guaranteed me the fourth spot. Upper management got to stay at the posh hotel, as guests of the manufacturers. Wendy and I inherited the rooms at the little out of the way place we had been using for the previous few years. It suited me, I’d been there before and like I said it was a little off the beaten track whilst still being almost right on top of the exhibition. The other bonus about the launch of the new vehicle was that we got to go for an extra night, three instead of four. Wendy and I travelled separately from the management, arriving mid-afternoon at the hotel. It had been a pleasant journey down. We had talked about the one or two other times we had gone on business trips together, and the times we had spent in the same office, teaching one another things we knew about, filling in the blanks in each others knowledge. Basically we got to know one another again. We booked in and I got the room I had had before, a double with two single beds. Wendy got one of the rooms with a double bed. We were however right next to each other, which was handy. After I had unpacked I went to see if Wendy wanted to go and see how the exhibition set up was going. I knocked on the door and went in when she called. She was drying her hair and asked me to make us a drink. I was making us a cup of coffee each when her mobile rang. “Answer it for me.” She said. I did so, it was her boyfriend. I could tell he wasn’t happy about something and handed her the phone as she came out of the en-suite bathroom, indicating I would leave if she wanted some privacy. She shook her head, so I continued to make the coffee. I heard her gasp, and turned around. Wendy had gone white, and was looking at her phone in a state of shock. I asked her what was the matter, and was stunned myself when she said. “He’s leaving.”
“Are you sure?” Was all I could think of to say, As if anyone is going to misunderstand that sort of statement? Continuing on automatic I finished making coffee and handed her the cup with no sugar. She had dropped into a chair and numbly accepted the drink. I really didn’t know what to do or say to her to be of any comfort. The only thing I could think of was to keep her mind occupied, and the only way to do that was to carry on and go down to the exhibition site and see how things were going.
Although it was only a short walk down to the site on the seafront, it seemed to take an eternity as I couldn’t think of anything to say. Normally between the two of us we would have been swapping jokes or innuendoes, but suddenly this seemed inappropriate, and I was at a loss. I just hoped that the boss was on site and she could give me some ideas about how to keep Wendy on track.
Down on the exhibition site I got lucky. The boss seemed to see that something was wrong with Wendy straightaway, and took her too one side. I filled in the other half of the management team and then got some words of advice from the boss. Then I took Wendy off down along the seafront with orders to be myself. Have you ever tried to be yourself? It’s a very hard thing to do consciously. I managed to chat away about absolutely nothing at all, revealing more about my past than I ever intended until we reached the curve of the bay, where the waves were beginning to wash over the rocks. I stopped and started to climb over the rocks until I was close to where the sea was running in. Wendy called me to come back; I motioned her to follow me. A little hesitantly she took off her shoes and clambered over to where I was stood, watching the waves break over the shoreline around me. She put her hand into mine as if she needed reassurance that it was safe. The sight of the sea breaking over a rocky shoreline has always enraptured me, and I’ve always felt perfectly safe as long as I’ve kept my eyes on the rise of the tide. Wendy seemed a bit anxious. I looked around at her and told her not to worry; as long as she stood next to me she would be fine. “What did I mean?” She asked. I related a story of when my sister and I had both been sat on a rock, me on front, her behind, watching the waves crash in, when a bigger wave had broken over the rock, completely missing me, but soaking my sister. She laughed, and calmed down a little. Shortly I realised the tide was starting to rise and led her back to the promenade. We sat and watched the waves crashing in onto the rocky outcrop where we had been standing. Wendy cuddled up to me and sighed. Not for the first time I thought about how pretty she was, but quickly pushed the thought aside, now was not the time.
“Come on.” I said. “We’re supposed to be meeting the management for dinner in an hour; we’d better go and get ready.” I was about to start the walk back along the front when Wendy spotted the taxi rank and led me over to it.
“Much quicker and a lot less tiring.” She said.
The meal was almost like a rest for me, the management team keeping Wendy occupied, mainly with what we supposed to be doing the following day. Wendy made notes, I just nodded a lot. Having attended the exhibition before I knew, or had an idea of what we could and couldn’t accomplish and was at a loss to understand why we were being asked to see so many people. The boss looked across at me and winked, and I realised the whole program was entirely to give Wendy something to plan, both later tonight and in the morning. I relaxed and started to enjoy myself once more. Again, the thought struck me that Wendy was a very pretty girl, but I pushed the notion aside with a self-admonitory NO! Now is not the time.
As we finished the meal, I asked Wendy if she wanted me to win her a cuddly toy from one of the many smash-and-grab machines dotted around the arcades. An hour and a half and nearly twenty quid later, I was ruing my rash promise that it would be easy. When I finally did hook a Garfield and drop it into the collection tray Wendy was even more excited than I was relieved. She hugged it tightly as we wandered our way back to the hotel, slipping her other arm through mine. She told me I should have given up after five pounds. I just shrugged, saying I always keep my promises. Getting back to the hotel, we had a couple of drinks before retiring to our separate rooms to get some rest before what was going to be a long day tomorrow, with the vehicle launch during the day. For the next few hours I wasn’t going to be able to talk to Wendy, to keep her from thinking negative thoughts. I just hoped she would be able to get some sleep. I knew I needed some, but wasn’t really expecting to get any, as I’ve always had trouble sleeping away from home the first night. Tomorrow would be another day.
I did manage a few hours sleep, but woke up at some ridiculous hour again. This time it was about half past six. I lay awake for a good hour running through the day’s possible problems. I don’t know why I do this sort of thing, nothing ever pans out as I imagine. I got up and had a shower and a shave, then turned on the TV and had a look at the news. I had the sound turned right down as I was listening for some sign of movement from the room next door. Around eight I heard the shower running. When it stopped I picked up a couple of sachets of coffee and sugar. I went to her door and knocked. Wendy’s voice seemed bright and cheery as she let me in. I made coffee as she dried her hair. I told her we had time for breakfast before we had to be down on the exhibition site. Neither of was hungry so we decided to make our way to the stand slightly earlier than required. There was a lot going on with people rushing about, making last minute adjustments, people checking on things that had to be done, people checking on people etc. I just stood and let things go on around me. Wendy, still believing in the instructions she had been given, began making notes, and was soon getting in the way. I pulled her to one side and got her to sit down out from under everybody’s feet. We let the last minute preparations go on around us, until it was time for the grand unveiling. The boss stood up and introduced all the relevant people and then, taa-daa, the new vehicle was unleashed on the world. Forgive me if I sell it short, it truly is a remarkable vehicle, but I had seen it grow from a sketch on the back of a piece of scrap paper, and by now it was a case of same-old same-old. Still, she was well received and straightaway other concerns were interested.
Wendy and I spent most of the morning helping answer questions, pointing out appropriate people to answer more detailed questions, and even fetching refreshments when we had to. By lunchtime the initial rush had subsided and we were able to go about our planned trawl through the exhibition to see what we could find. Of course Wendy had been checking the list of exhibitors against our list of things we ‘must’ find out about. I took the list from her hands, telling her lunch came first. We adjourned to a tavern on the seafront that was recommended as doing a good pub lunch. I just ordered a sandwich and a pint; Wendy had something like chicken in a basket. We settled down on a small outside table. I sat back and looked around, sipping at my drink. Wendy nibbled nervously at her meal. I asked her what the matter was. She looked up sharply. I realised what a dumb question that was. I decided it was time to tell her the truth. I explained we didn’t have to go through the whole list of people to see, especially in one day. All we needed to do was wander around today, make contact with a few people, and just see if there was anything new we hadn’t heard about that we could use. Quite a lot of our new initiatives had started like that over the past few years. I picked at her chicken as I talked. “I see.” She said. “All this is to keep me from thinking.”
I shrugged. “I suppose that was the general idea, but we all know how hard it is not to think about, well you know, the break up of a long relationship.” Just for a moment I thought she was going to slap me, and then she looked like she was going to burst into tears. I was completely at a loss as to what to do next. I couldn’t bear to see her cry, so I shuffled around to her side and leant her head against my chest. “Cry on me if it will help.” I murmured.
She shook her head. “No; he said he’s going, so I’m not going to think of him and I’m not going to phone him either.” I asked what she was going to do when she got back. She just shrugged. “I’ll worry about that when we get home.” I promised myself I would take her home personally, and not leave until she was sorted. She sat up and shook herself. “Come on, we’ve things to look at, and people to meet.” I was about to say we didn’t have to, when she smiled and said. “The sooner it’s done, the sooner we get time to ourselves.” I nodded in agreement, stood up and followed her back to the exhibition site.
We moved through the exhibitions for a good couple of hours, meeting with one or two people one or other of us had met before, exchanging ideas, talking and so on. We also had a look at a few new products, made a few notes so the boss could come and check them out. It was late afternoon when we found ourselves wandering along the short pier. Wendy motioned me towards a bench and we sat down and looked out over the bay. There were suddenly some things I needed to say to Wendy, but I was going to have to be careful about how I said them. I turned and started to speak, telling her how she had, however inadvertently, changed me. How I had been becoming more and more disinterested in my job, and how her arrival, with all her enthusiasm, had got me interested again, and, while I was never going to be as passionate as her, at least I was positive once again, and I thanked her for that. She smiled and gave me a hug and a kiss, telling me I was sweet. I didn’t say anything, but my heart sank a little. ‘Sweet’ was not what a guy wanted to hear. It had overtones of ‘nice’, but I accepted it as it was meant, as a compliment, and said nothing but thanks. She got up and started to walk back to the exhibition, with me following. We made our way back to the stand and found the boss, who was by now looking a little harried. I let Wendy report on what we had found, and then, while she was finding the other half of the management team, I made my own report. The boss thanked me and said she was going to ask Wendy out for dinner that evening, so I was let off the hook for the night. I sighed thankfully, and then said I’d finish here if the others wanted to get away a little early.
That meant I was one of the last to the leave the exhibition site that evening, and that Wendy had already left the hotel when I got back. I didn’t mind that at all as I could feel myself falling for her and was finding it harder and harder to disguise this from her. I’d always felt mildly attracted to her, but this had been tempered by the knowledge that she was already seeing someone else, that she was unobtainable. Suddenly, this wasn’t so anymore, and we were having to live and work in close proximity to each other, and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to help her as a friend, but there was this other feeling growing, this need for her, that I didn’t know if I could control. I showered and had a quick meal in the hotel then slipped out for a drink or two. I meet a couple of acquaintances and talked to them for a while, promising to look them up in the morning, but I had no enthusiasm when they said they knew of a nightclub and bade them goodnight. I wandered down to the end of the bay again and sat and looked out over the waves crashing over the rocks and wondered what I was going to do. Tomorrow was Wendy’s and my turn to man the stand for most of the day, and in the evening was the official launch party. I swore to myself that I would not have too much to drink and do something ridiculous, or embarrassing. As the sun sank and the sky turned darker, I heard a car stop behind me and someone got out. Suddenly Wendy was sitting beside me. She said. “The sunset looks lovely.”
I had to agree, it was a beautiful sunset. “Almost as pretty as you.” I said. She smiled and said thank you, kissing me on the cheek again. I asked her if she wanted to hit the arcades again. She shook her head, saying she just wanted a good night’s sleep. I told her I couldn’t guarantee that, but I could walk her back to the hotel. It was more of an amble than a walk, with Wendy holding tightly to my arm, her head on my shoulder. It took us nearly an hour to walk back to the hotel, and I couldn’t help enjoying the feeling of Wendy by my side. By the time she left me to go to her own room I knew that it was too late, I was hooked. I sat on the bed and worried.
The following morning was dull and wet. There were not as many people prepared to wander around the outdoor part of the exhibition so Wendy and I were not kept very busy. The management came up and asked us about who was here, where they were, that sort of thing. By lunchtime it was obvious that it didn’t need both of us on the stand with all the people from the other half of the joint venture as well. I told Wendy that she may as well go back to the hotel, or call the boss and join up with her for the afternoon. She said that she thought she might go back to the hotel as there were a couple of things she wanted to do before the party tonight. I saw her fingering her phone and wondered whether she was thinking of calling him, despite her averring that she would not. Having had time to think myself I was beginning to speculate that my answering Wendy’s phone, or always being nearby when he called might have given him cause for suspicion. If it was my fault then I was going to feel even guiltier than I did at the moment. Wendy left for the hotel, hunched against the wind and the rain. I sat back and let my thoughts take me to places I wasn’t sure I wanted to go. Was I just keeping Wendy occupied? Or was I hindering her? Was my presence stopping her ringing her boyfriend and finding out what was wrong? I was starting to get paranoid when the management came back. I asked the boss if I could have a word, and then I poured out my worries. She just asked if I had said anything at all to Wendy, about my feelings or my worries. “No.” I said.
“Then let it ride.” I was a little reassured by this, but was still worried about the evening’s party.
“What if I do something dumb?” Now she laughed.
“We’re all likely to do something dumb tonight.” She said. “And on past form, you and I will be the only ones who remember anything tomorrow.”
I had just finished getting ready when Wendy knocked on my door. She said that the taxi would be about another ten minutes. I let her in, and had to take a step back. Very rarely had I seen Wendy dressed ‘out of work’. She looked absolutely gorgeous in a tight fitting black dress that clung to her body. I told her she looked wonderful. She smiled and said that I didn’t look to shabby either. As she sat down, she took out her phone again. I had to ask her whether she’d phoned home. She was almost vehement in her quick reply of no, stuffing the phone into her evening bag. She said that tonight she was going to forget all her troubles and enjoy herself. Almost immediately I decided that put me on ‘dad’ duties again. When tomorrow came Wendy wasn’t going to have any more troubles than she had now.
The taxi dropped us off a little early for the party. This was planned as we wanted to discuss a few things as a team, all four of us. I checked he was coming back to pick us up around one in the morning. We called up to let the others know we were there, and then went upstairs. I knocked on the bosses’ door, toying with the bow-tie I was having to wear. Wendy slapped my hand down and was stood in front of me straightening it when the door was opened. The boss raised an eyebrow and I went red, remembering our earlier conversation. Wendy missed most of this as she turned around, but I could see the senior supervisor sniggering in the background. The four of us held a brief discussion about what was going on at the exhibition and what the boss had heard from home. It seemed that the management duo were going to have to leave tomorrow lunchtime, but Wendy and I were to stay on and help close up the exhibition and follow home the day after. This decided, we left for the party downstairs. I hung back slightly and asked the boss if she would ring someone for me when they got back, and that she would know what to say when she realised who it was I wanted her to call. She looked at the number I handed her, spotted whose number it was and looked at me quizzically, “Are you sure?” She asked. I nodded. She shrugged and put her arm through mine saying that as the only gentlemanly type around it was my job to escort her to the party. I laughed and said all right.
The party went through three stages. Everybody had a meal, and then came the presentations, and then the dancing. Wendy and I were on the same table. Throughout the meal I hardly took my eyes off her. I was talking to other people around me, but my attention hardly wavered from her. Some of them must have thought I was rude, but at least one of the other women I was sat near whispered in my ear that Wendy was quite pretty, and that I was very lucky. If only, I thought. The presentations were amusing and serious at the same time. They were serious presentations but done in a wonderfully deliberate amateur way. Finally we came to the dancing. I have two left feet, and dislike dancing, but I made the effort because I wanted to be close to Wendy. It quickly became obvious that she had a much better sense of rhythm than me and I had to cry off. I sat down and continued to watch her. I kept up my half listening conversations as people moved around me. Everyone wanted to talk to someone about the new vehicle, and as someone connected with its inception, a few of them wanted to talk to me. I did the best I could, but my heart wasn’t really in it tonight. Whenever Wendy sat down for a rest, she came over to me and we talked a little. Finally she began to unburden herself a little, telling me about her childhood, and crucially her aversion to being told what to do in her own life. A light dawned, and a small piece of information that I would need to pass on was filed away. Most of us had been drinking since the bar had opened, but as the boss had prophesised, I wasn’t really getting drunk, nor was she. I looked across the room and she raised her eyebrow. I went over and had a word. It looks like we’re going to have one each to look after she said. I nodded and came to a decision that showed I had been drinking; the next slow dance which came up, I was dancing with Wendy. As if on cue, the DJ put on a smoochy song. I hurried onto the dance floor, almost elbowing someone out of the way. Suddenly, I realised how stupid a thing I was about to attempt was. I needed to look at my feet to stop from treading on hers, and if I was holding her close I couldn’t see down. Wendy didn’t seem to care, she just pulled me close and we shuffled around, barely dancing at all. I relaxed and dropped my hands around her waist. I tried to ignore the feeling of her bare back beneath my touch, concentrating on not letting my hands go any lower. She nestled her head into my shoulder. As the song ended I heard my name being called in connection with the taxi. I whispered to her that it was time to go. She looked up almost sleepily and nodded.
Despite collecting our coats, it was still fairly cold as we got into the taxi. Wendy cuddled up to me, her head on my shoulder again. She was asleep as we left the hotel forecourt. I could see the cabby in the mirror; he smiled back at me, saying. “Bad luck.” I just half shrugged so as not to wake Wendy.
“Probably for the best.” I said. When we pulled up outside our hotel, I shook Wendy gently awake, not wanting to have to carry her and open the doors. The cabby gave me a hand to walk her to the door, and I thanked him and paid him his fare. Getting into the hotel wasn’t that hard. The difficult bit was going to be steering Wendy up the windy stairs to her room. I managed it, and without putting my hands anywhere I shouldn’t. I opened her room and put on the light.
Wendy teetered in a little unsteadily, and flopped down on the end of her bed. She slipped out of her coat and then laid back. I eased her off the coat and slipped it onto a likely looking hanger. She looked up and asked if she was really that drunk. I said. “I think that you probably are.”
“I’m not.” She declared. “Look, I can still undo my shoes.” She sat up and then leant forward, beginning to fiddle with her shoes. “Okay, maybe I can’t.” She said. I sighed and knelt in front of her, slipping her shoes off and putting them to one side with her normal footwear. She began to giggle. I shushed her saying that everyone else was asleep. She apologised, a little more quietly, saying that she’d often wanted to be waited on hand and foot. I shook my head, telling her that this was a one off. I asked her if she could manage now. Wendy looked at me, saying. “I think I might need a bit more help yet.” I scratched my head, realising this could be tricky. Her dress left little to the imagination. I found her sensible nightie on the pillow with Garfield and a plan formed itself. I helped her pull the nightwear over head, and then unclipped the halter neck of the dress so that when she stood up, increasingly unsteadily, the night dress dropped down and the evening dress dropped to the floor. I helped Wendy under the bedclothes, then picked up her dress and hung that up too. I kissed her softly on the forehead as I turned out the light and left her. She was asleep already. I went next door to my room and sat down. Several thoughts ran through my head. The first was that it was a good job I had been with Wendy to keep her safe; the second was what an idiot I was. She had almost been coming on to me, but I hadn’t realised until I sat down here. However the main thing was that I had kept my promise to myself. She wasn’t going to have any more problems in the morning than she had the day before, apart from a huge hangover of course.
I awoke in the morning, a little later than usual, but still far too early. There was no sound from next door, but I wasn’t really expecting any. After making myself a cup of coffee and having a shower, I felt a lot better. I looked at the time and it was obvious that I was going to have to wake Wendy if we were to get to the exhibition site at a reasonable time. I still had her door key and so let myself into the room. Wendy was sprawled on the bed, the sheets twisted around her. I crouched beside her and looked into her peaceful face, brushing her hair from her face. Then I gently shook her by the shoulder, murmuring her name. Blearily she opened her eyes, a smile creasing her face as she recognised me. She struggled to sit up, but found herself tangled in the bed linen. I told her I’d go and get some coffee, while she had a shower. I returned when I heard her shower stop. I knocked on her door this time, and still looking the worse for wear, she let me in, a towel around her head and a bath robe pulled tight around her. We sat down to drink the coffee, and Wendy looked across at me. She asked. “Who put me to bed?”
“I did.” I told her. “Don’t you remember?” She said the last clear memory she had was of me telling her the taxi had arrived. She was clearly worried about something. Timidly she asked if she had done anything stupid or embarrassing. I thought of teasing her, but the worried look she gave me convinced me to tell her the truth. “I assure you that you did nothing at all. Nothing stupid, nothing embarrassing, and nothing you couldn’t tell your granny about.” She smiled and thanked me as I told her about the solution I had come up with to ensure she didn’t sleep in her dress. I looked at my watch and said “We ought to be getting down to the site soon.” She nodded and started looking through her clothes. I left her to dress and went down stairs to find some more coffee.
We were first to arrive at the exhibition site, the management team not there yet. It was a beautiful day again, the sun not helping those on the stand with a hangover. Practically everyone was wearing dark glasses, including both of us and the management when they arrived. The boss and I went on a last tour of the entire exhibition, leaving the other two nursing their heads for a couple of hours. As we walked I asked her to make the call we had talked about as soon as she could. “Why?” She asked.
“Because I need to know. I’m not going to do anything, however much I want to, until I know.” She nodded and said all right. I left it at that. Back on the stand, people were starting to pack up ready to go. I asked if they were sure about Wendy and me staying on the extra night. The boss said that there were still things to be done here, and we were the people to do them.
The main thing was to be a seminar in the afternoon, and then the official closing of the exhibition. After that our time was our own. All we had to do was call in when we got back the following afternoon, and then we could go home. It sounded easy enough and the official business was. But then came the evening. The exhibition site was emptying as all the stands were packed up and driven off. I asked Wendy what she wanted to do, was she hungry? She shook her head, but still not too vigorously. How about a last look at the sea? I asked. All right she said. I lead her down to the rocky promontory we had stood on the first night. She sat on the sea wall as I clambered over the rocks to where the tide surged between them. The sound of the surf was soothing to me. I didn’t know what I was going to do now. I could see two courses opening up for me, but I didn’t know which one to take. I needed one more piece of information and I wouldn’t get that for a while. I turned to look at Wendy, sitting on the wall, the sea breeze ruffling her hair. She looked unconcerned and gave me a wave. I waved back and began to make my way toward her. I decided that at the moment I would not make a decision. We wended our way through the town, looking in shop windows, pausing outside restaurants to read the menus on display, and getting a little hungrier each time. Finally, Wendy suggested we eat. I was happy to agree. We picked a steakhouse and went in. As we ate I found myself watching her again. She spotted it too. She asked if she was doing something wrong, as she’d seen me watching her at the big do the night before. I said it was nothing she was doing; I just liked looking at her. For the first time in four days I think she suddenly had an inkling of my feelings. Hurriedly I made a joke and tried to misdirect her thoughts, at least for a while longer. As we finished the meal we both yawned. Time to try and catch up on some sleep we agreed. We parted at the door to my room, saying we’d have breakfast properly tomorrow, and wishing each other a goodnights sleep. My mobile was flashing with a text message. It was from the Boss. All it said was ‘Tomorrow’.
I slept well for a change. All my worrying had been done and I was really very tired. When I awoke it was nearly half past eight. I rose quickly and showered. I was nearly dressed when I heard the door being knocked. I went over and opened it. Wendy was there looking as lovely as ever. She asked if I was ready to eat. I grabbed my key, smoothed down my hair and followed her down to the dining room. Although we were paying for Bed and Breakfast, up till now Wendy and I had not been eating much in the way of breakfast. Today we did it justice. The food was tasty, and we both agreed we had been foolish not to have taken advantage of this more often. Now it was time to pack our bags, pay the bills and say our goodbyes. We loaded up the car, and prepared to leave. I asked if Wendy wanted one last look at the sea, she nodded. So instead of starting straight back, we detoured and went along the seafront, until yesterday evening the site of the exhibition. The sky was blue and the sea was out, but it still looked pretty and there were always waves crashing into the headland. I headed for the motorway.
We had been driving for about two hours when Wendy’s mobile began to ring. She looked at the number and pressed ignore. It rang again five minutes later, just as we came upon a service station. Sighing, I pulled in and told her to answer it. I left the car and went into the cafeteria. About ten minutes later Wendy came in and sat opposite me. I looked into her happy face and knew which course I was going to take. She thanked me for making her answer the phone. It had been her boyfriend, of course. The whole thing had been a terrible mistake and he was coming down to pick her up from here. I just said I’d guessed it was something like that, and that I’d wait with her. I’d not looked out for her for nearly a week to just leave her in some motorway café. She thanked me and went to get another couple of drinks. I pulled out my phone and rang the boss. She just said. “You know then?”
“Yes.” I said and thanked her for making the call.
“Do you mean that?” She asked me.
“Yes, I suppose I do.” I replied. “At least I know she’ll be happy.”
Within an hour they were reunited. I helped to move her bags from my car to his. While he went to get a snack I stood face to face with Wendy. I told her what a fun time I’d had, and she agreed it had been good. I smiled wanly, and said “My mission has succeeded then; I’ve managed to keep you from harm.”
“You certainly have.” She smiled back.
“Even from me.” I said.
She looked slightly stunned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean the person you were most likely to be hassled by was me, but I kept me under control.” I said. It was gibberish, but if she thought about it, it would make sense, but she was too excited at the moment, and would forget it by tomorrow. I waved them off, then got into my car and prepared for a lonely ride home, only a stuffed Garfield for company.
My mobile buzzed with a message. It was from Wendy. It said ‘I KNEW’.

Questions,Questions!

Another "Summer Rain" poem



Who is the girl,

That I see in my dreams,

With dancing eyes,

And a smile that beams?

What is her name?

Where does she go?

How will I find her?

I don’t really know.

She moulds my thoughts
,
Dominates my mind,

Piercing a wall,

Long hid behind.

Does she know it?

Does she care?

Is it all a mistake?

Is her heart elsewhere?

The point I’m making,

The thing that I mean,

Is she “The One”,

Who “Might have been”?

Just Good Friends

Orginally challenged to write this without contractions, but it didn't look right so put them back in. Nicked another song title. One or two real incidents provide the basic plot points.


I had known of her for a long time, we lived in the same area as children, went to the same schools, even played together at times. I am a few years older, so we never really became friends. My friends played with her friends. Our parents were acquaintances, but that was as far as it went. After I left school I don’t think I saw her again until she came to work for the same company where I had been working for a few months. Even then we had little contact with one another except on company matters, as I had long got out of the habit of talking to women as women after one particularly brusque brush-off. We both got promotion eventually, both becoming section heads. As it was a small company, about fifty or sixty employees altogether, sooner or later we all came to know each other’s business. Break-time gossip was one of the high points of the day, so when Teresa’s marriage began to break up within days we were all talking about it. In retrospect this may have been one of the things that might have contributed to her subsequent health problems. Unfortunately we all thought we could see that the pair were incompatible. He was a big man, used to getting his own way, not afraid to speak his mind, but inclined to drink perhaps one or two too many. She could be abrasive, moody, stubborn, and obstinate and a complete bitch at times. Theirs was not a perfect match, but once they had thought they loved each other. By now though they had stopped trying to make it work. It was still a shock though when she announced that he was leaving her and they were divorcing. We all admired her strength of purpose and determination to carry on as if nothing had changed. How little we knew.
To this day I am not sure what it was that broke through Teresa’s veneer and exposed her frailty to us all. Probably some chance remark by some one, maybe it all became too much for her. Anyway, during one coffee break she burst into tears and stumbled off. I heard some of my section talking about it and wondered where she had gone. I thought she might need a friend and hoped I could be there for her. I found her sobbing in a darkened print room. Suddenly I was unsure about what to do. Whenever I’d offered to help before Teresa had politely but firmly turned me down. I quietly closed the door behind me and turned on the light. She looked up with tear-reddened eyes. I couldn’t think what to say so I just offered her a tissue. She took it and dabbed at her face, smearing what was left of her mascara, murmuring her thanks. Inspiration suddenly struck me. I was taking a week’s holiday soon. I planned to drive to some of my favourite places and then explore them on foot. Perhaps there was some way to get Teresa involved. I shuffled my feet and cleared my throat.
“I’m going away next week on a sort of driving/walking holiday, and I was wondering if you might like to come too? I’m sure most of the places I’ve got booked will have an extra room, and if not we could find some other solution.” She glanced up, a mildly shocked look on her face. I ran the sentence back through my mind. “I didn’t mean ..”
“I think I know what you meant.” She said, a pale smile playing on her lips as she saw my discomfiture. “And it’s a very kind invitation, but I don’t think I should. After all the company needs me.”
“The company can get on fine without either of us for a week.”
“What about my leave entitlement? I used most of it up with.. Well, you know.”
“Take some sick days, or get compassionate leave, you deserve it you know.”
“I’m not sure I should.”
“Come on. It’ll do you good to get away from here for a few days at least.”
She looked at me and asked in a little voice. “What will everyone think if we go away together?”
“Does that really worry you?”
“Not really, I thought it might worry you though.”
“I couldn’t care less to be honest. Everyone knows we’re friends, we’ll leave it at that, just good friends. So are you on for this expedition or not?” She looked up at me through tearful eyes and came to a decision.
“If I do come, I pay my own way and do half the driving.”
“Okay. Shake on it.” I offered her my hand. She took it amusedly and shook it. An impish glint appeared in her brown eyes and she leaned forward and gave me a peck on the cheek and then left the room. I put my hand to my face, a little confused. I shrugged it off as a return to her normal high spirits, and followed her out.
The journey down was a little strange. While Teresa was driving she was talkative, almost her old self, responding to my conversational sallies, but when I was behind the wheel and had to concentrate more on the road she became less communicative. It was as if she had too much on her mind. Around this point that I realised that possibly I may have taken on more than I could handle. Not being an expert in psychology or managing relationships, my whole life was testament to that, but I felt I should be able to help her as a friend. I just hoped I was not going to make things worse.
We arrived at the inn where I had booked rooms and checked in. The rooms were not quite adjacent but were on the same landing. After a wash and change I went to see if Teresa was interested in a look around the village before the evening meal. She said she was tired and wanted to rest for a while. I shrugged and left her to it, not wanting to push her into anything yet. When I came back she was still in her room and was unwilling to come down for the meal, preferring to eat alone. Again I just shrugged and left her to it. I ate in the dining room but as I passed her room before turning in I paused. Through the door I could hear muffled sobs. Now it was obvious I was going to have to be a little more cunning to gain her confidence, so before I fell asleep I spent a couple of hours devising a plan for the following days walk, hoping to try and find a way to get Teresa more involved in what was supposed to be a joint venture.
The walk, as a walk, was beautiful. The sun shone, there was a gentle breeze blowing across the moor, and the scenery was stunning. On my own that would have been enough, but I wanted more now. I needed the view to inspire something in Teresa, something that would start her talking to me. I desperately wanted to help her, but I needed a hint at least about how I could achieve this. With all this in mind, when we got back to the inn I was disappointed. She had been appreciative of the panorama before her, but it hadn’t stirred her. Teresa retired to her room and again took her meal alone. This was not going as I had hoped. I did not hold out much hope for improvement tomorrow either as we were going to visit a museum. I considered changing our schedule, but as this museum is one of my favourite places, I decided to carry on for now. In any case a sudden change to our agreed programme might tip Teresa off about what I was up to.
We booked out of the inn fairly early, intending to stop somewhere else that evening after visiting the museum. The journey took a couple of hours, mainly because we were not in any great hurry. Teresa drove most of the way, another attempt by me to get her talking. Once we were inside the building I forgot all of my plans and just started to talk. It was the first time I had been there with someone who had little knowledge of the subject of the museum. I suppose I was showing off unintentionally, but the sight of some of those exhibits and Teresa’s innocent question as we entered the car park, (“What sort of museum is this?”) set me off. For the next three or four hours I led her from room to room, pointing things out, explaining things, answering questions. My enthusiasm seemed to be catching, stimulating her interest almost in spite of her reserve. We also seemed to attract some followers, little groups trailing behind us. As I droned on they followed, trying to appear as if they were not listening. People tell me I can talk about this subject for a long time and I did. When we had covered the entire collection at least twice we retired to the café and ordered two teas and some sandwiches, and then sat down to talk.
“I never thought I’d be that interested in a museum.” Teresa said.
“Well, I’ve never had someone listening to me with so much interest.” I said.
“I wasn’t the only one.” She said, indicating with a little nod a couple of our followers who were seated nearby.
“I’m sorry about that. I got a little carried away, I have no idea what came over me.” We talked for a while before we left for the car, then again as we drove on to find our nights lodging, again an inn.
After checking in, Teresa went upstairs for a shower while I fuelled the car before I did likewise. Coming down for dinner again I stopped outside Teresa’s room and asked if she would care to accompany me. To my surprise she came right out, as if she was waiting for me. After the meal we went into the lounge, but it was quiet and a little boring.
“I heard that they have a pool table here.” Teresa suddenly said. “Do you fancy a game?” I agreed and we went off to find the table. When we found it some local lads were already using it. I was all set to give up on the idea but Teresa was not. “Play doubles when you’ve finished?” She asked. The lads looked at each other and then agreed. She turned to look at me. “Get some drinks in then.” I shrugged and went to the bar. This was the start of an amazing evening. Teresa was the life of a small party. By closing time we knew the four local lads as if they were family. We talked all the time. They told us what it was like living in an area that relied on tourism, we told them what it was like living in an industrial area. By the end of the night we’d all become firm friends. I was playing a last game with the innkeeper’s son, the other locals had left and Teresa had gone to bed. He asked me if she and I were “an item”. I shook my head, almost sadly, and told him. “No. We’re just good friends.” He gave me a disbelieving look. “Honestly. She’s been having a rough time of it lately so I thought a trip into the country might help.” He still wasn’t convinced, but he did tell me of a particularly spectacular beauty spot that might be worth a visit in the morning.
The following day I awoke fairly early and had a quick look around the village before breakfast. It was fairly quiet, but the weather looked encouraging. After buying a paper I returned to the inn and found Teresa waiting for me in the dining room. She looked a little down again, but perked up when I told her the weather looked good for the days walk. After breakfast we donned our walking boots and set out.
The sun was burning off the low-lying mist and the sky showed blue overhead. I tried a little bird identification. Teresa corrected me straightaway, pointing out several differences between what the bird was and what I had identified it as. After a couple of ridiculous suggestions, she looked me straight in the eye and accused me of doing it on purpose. I shrugged my shoulders.
“At least it got you interested again.” She thumped me on the shoulder, and laughed.
For the next two or three hours we walked and talked, pointing out birds and flowers, one or two insects and the view in general. Off in the distance Teresa thought she saw a deer, but I was sceptical until it suddenly burst from cover and ran off in front of us. As the morning progressed I started to angle our route toward the viewpoint our host of the night before had suggested. If Teresa noticed the deviation she never mentioned it. We had been climbing for a while and just before noon we emerged from a wooded valley above the most beautiful looking little cove I had ever seen. It just stopped me in my tracks. Beside me I heard Teresa murmur, “It’s beautiful.” Just beyond another small copse of trees below us, a deep blue sea lapped a beach of almost white sand. The cove itself was almost a complete circle, with just a narrow entrance. It was a truly exquisite place. I looked at Teresa. “Race you.” She said, and was off. Laughing, I followed. She lost me in the trees, but I caught her up across the beach, and we hit the water almost simultaneously. “I win, I win.” She cheered, just before she fell forward into the surf. I couldn’t help laughing as she struggled to stand. I reached out a hand to haul her upright. “See how you like it.” She cried, pulling me over. I splashed down beside her. We knelt in the waves and laughed like children.
“Now how on earth are we going to get dry?” I said eventually. Teresa considered this for a moment and then replied.
“Well, I am going to take off my blouse and slacks and hang them over those bushes.”
“But you’ll be naked.” I managed to stammer.
“Not at all. I shall wear my cagoule.” She looked at me. “And I will still have my underwear on.” The mischievous gleam appeared in her eyes. “That won’t bother you will it? After all you keep telling everyone that we’re just good friends.” I swallowed.
“Yes, but I wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.” I was blushing and knew it. Teresa took pity on me, and disappeared behind the bushes. When she emerged again she was wearing her plastic raincoat and carried her outer clothes over her arm. As she arranged them in the sun to dry she looked over her shoulder at me.
“Why are you still sitting in those wet things?”
“Because, Miss-always-prepared, I didn’t bring my mac with me.”
“Oh. Well at least take your shirt off.” Grudgingly I did so, draping it over a bush near where her clothes were now drying. Our boots and socks followed. I was acutely aware of how little clothing she was wearing so I wondered off down the beach and began to poke about in the rock pools, something I had not done for a long time. Shortly Teresa came over and crouched beside me, asking what I was doing.
“Actually I’m trying desperately not to stare at you.” I said. She laughed and pulled the cagoule around her tightly.
“Better?”
“Well, a bit.”
“Why did you bring me here?” She asked. I looked into her eyes and decided to go for broke.
“I thought that under the right circumstances you might be able to confide in me, tell me what it is that is gnawing away at you inside. I might be able to help.” She sat back on the rocks. Blown it, I thought.
“If I tell you, it goes no further. I don’t want it bandied around in your little gossip group.”
“You gossip as well.” I protested.
“You swear that it goes no further.” She was close to tears, but obviously wanted to unburden herself.
“I swear.” I said, solemnly crossing my heart in the old playground symbol.
“It was about a year ago.” She began.
It was all so simple, so stupid. Teresa’s marriage was failing, but she didn’t want to believe it. Her best friend from all the way back to school was a girl called Natalie, who tried to tell her what was happening. Teresa had accused her of trying to steal her husband. Natalie protested her innocence and Teresa had apologised almost straightaway, but the slur had been there. Now Teresa couldn’t bring herself to ask her best friends advice, and she needed advice as the marriage crumbled. Natalie obviously held no grudge, as Teresa had declined an invitation to her own wedding. Months had now passed with barely a word exchanged between them. Teresa was afraid of what response she would get if she asked for advice again, Natalie, I presumed, was equally as bewildered as to what was happening, until they had arrived at the current impasse. At last I knew what was wrong, now I had to find some way to fix it.
“You mean all this depression is because you haven’t got anyone to confide in?” I said, incredulously.
“It’s not just that.” She protested, but it was a feeble protest. “It’s that everything all happened at once.”
“All right, I accept that. It just seems a bit childish.” As I said it, I regretted it. Teresa turned away, and then stood up.
“I can solve my own problems, however ‘childish’ they may seem to others.” She stalked off to where her clothes were drying and picked them up, going behind the hedge to put them on. I went over and picked up my shirt. It was almost dry, so I put it on. My boots were still damp too but I pulled them on anyway. As I finished lacing them up, Teresa emerged from the bushes. She sat beside me to put her boots on.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so horrible.” I said.
“I know you’re only trying to help.” She sighed. “But it’s hard for me to ask anyone but Natalie or my mum for help.” What she said gave me an idea, but I needed a phone. I stood up.
“Come on.” I said, offering her my hand. “Let’s get back and get properly dry.” She grasped my hand and I pulled, a little too hard. She bumped into me. “Sorry.” I said.
“Are you?” She said. I wondered that too.
It took us nearly an hour to reach the inn. Teresa disappeared into her room again, but this time I was hoping for it. Down in reception I asked if there was a phone I could use. I knew where Teresa’s mother lived, but not the phone number. A brief discussion with directory enquiries remedied that and I called the number I was given. After several rings Teresa’s mum answered.
“Mrs Shaw? This is Derek Smith. Yes, the man who’s taken your daughter away on holiday. No, nothing has gone wrong. She is a little less depressed most of the time and quite cheerful occasionally. I just wanted to ask if you knew her best friend Natalie’s phone number? Well, it seems that Teresa misses talking to her, but is scared to contact her. So I thought that if I could do that for her maybe it would be a start. You don’t know but you can find out? That will be fine Mrs Shaw; I’ll call back in an hour. Thank you.”
I went upstairs and had a shower. We had missed lunch, and dinner wasn’t for a while, so Teresa would hopefully not be around while I was on the phone. I rang Mrs Shaw again. She had come up trumps, finding the number and telling me Natalie’s married name. Now I just had to hope that Natalie was not holding a grudge.
“Mrs Williams? My name is Derek Smith. I don’t think you’ll know me now. Actually, who I am is unimportant. I’m calling for a mutual friend, Teresa Shaw. Yes, she has reverted to her maiden name. The point is, are you willing to talk to her? From what she has told me, you have every right not to. I have spent nearly a week trying to find out what is depressing her, and apparently it is the fact that she upset you and now she feels that she can’t talk to you anymore. I am afraid I do not understand why she feels this way, perhaps you do, as you have known her longer than most people. You’d love to talk to her again! That’s wonderful news, if you hang on I’ll get her to the phone.” Just as I said this, Teresa came downstairs, talk about luck. I handed her the receiver. “Someone would like a word.” I said, and walked away, leaving a puzzled looking Teresa speaking into the phone.
“Hello, this is Teresa Shaw, to whom am I speaking?”
It was a good twenty minutes or so later when Teresa came over to me in the lounge.
“You swore to me.” She began.
“I said I wouldn’t gossip. What I did can hardly be called gossiping.” I smiled. “Did you have a nice talk? Unburden yourself a little?” She nodded. “Feel better for it?” Again she nodded. “Well you don’t have to thank me, but you could at least speak to me.”
“I don’t know as I should speak to you. You’ve been deceiving me all this time.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I thought you were just trying to get into my knickers or something.”
“I tried them on when you went out. They don’t fit.” She laughed.
“You know what I mean. I’m sorry. That phone call alone must have cost a fortune.”
“It doesn’t matter. You needed to be perked up, and I was able to do it. I’m sure your mum or your brother could have done the same.”
“But you did it, and I’m grateful.”
“Look, we’re friends. And friends help friends, as you’ve just proved. So don’t make me out to be a knight in shining armour, because I’m not. I admit the thought of ‘getting into your knickers’ had crossed my mind, especially this morning, but I’m not that kind of guy. I’m just a friend helping out a friend.”
“I think you’re just being modest. You may not be in shining armour, but you are a knight.”
“If you say so. A knight in dirty armour then?” She giggled. “Are you hungry? Because dinner is about to begin. If madam is desirous, perhaps she would accompany me?” I held out my arm. She took it and we went to dinner.
As I said, this was the start. Back at work we began to see more of each other. Usually we had our lunch breaks together, sometimes alone, sometimes with the ‘gossip group’. Once I took her to the movies, but that was only because Natalie couldn’t go. By now I realised that I was falling for Teresa, but I couldn’t tell her, after all she was still getting over her failed marriage. I didn’t want to say anything and provoke a reaction, positive or negative, that might ruin everything. I didn’t want her on the rebound, and I didn’t want her to feel indebted to me. But I did want her, and it was starting to hurt.
About three months after our trip she came to lunch looking a little worried. I asked her what was wrong.
“I’m beginning to think I can’t keep up with the mortgage repayments.” She sighed.
“What you need is a lodger, someone who will help you meet the bills.” I said, adding carelessly. “Like me.” What I meant was, I was in rented accommodation, and my rent actually paid most of my landlady’s bills. I did not mean to speak so plainly, but I think deep down I probably meant it the way it came out. Teresa looked straight at me.
“When can you move in?” And that was that. I could not think of a single reason not to, without sounding silly. I could have said that being that close to her without being able to touch her will kill me, but I didn’t. Within a week, I was renting her spare bedroom. Our circle of friends started to coincide, and our families re-acquainted themselves, but it was still difficult for me. At night, I often lay awake, thinking Teresa was only next-door, tormenting myself. I did not tell anyone of my feelings, but as time wore on it became apparent that I wasn’t very good at concealing what I felt.
Our birthdays, although a few years apart, were in fact in the same month, Teresa’s near the beginning, mine nearer the end. As her birthday approached Natalie and Teresa’s brother came to me and asked if we could organise a surprise party, to finish the healing process. They would organise the venue, the food, the family and friends, and I would be responsible for inviting her workmates and for keeping her out of the way at crucial moments. I thought I did pretty well at this, but I must have done something to arouse her suspicions, as she began to ask questions that I could not answer. Then she went to Natalie, who was unable to say anything either. Things were falling apart. And then everything happened at once.
Teresa was having a day off, so I was taking advantage of the fact to chase up some of the unconfirmed invitees during lunchtime. I was leant over the desk of Teresa’s assistant, a fairly pretty blonde girl, verifying her acceptance.
“So I’ll see you Friday night then.” She nodded. I stood up and turned around. Teresa was standing there, my lunch in her hand. She had a look like thunder. “Hello, I wasn’t expecting to see you today.” I said, wondering how much she’d heard.
“Obviously.” She spat out the word, then turned on her heels, flung my intended lunch to the floor and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. I leapt after her, reaching the lift doors just as they closed behind her. I headed for the stairs, knowing that I would be too late.
I was right; Teresa’s car sped out of the car park as I breathlessly stumbled to a halt. As I gasped for breath, my mind raced with possibilities. She was angry with me, about what I could not be sure, but I needed to find her quickly. I phoned around, trying to find where she had gone. Her mother first, then her brother, finally her best friend, Natalie. She hadn’t been to any of them. I started to panic, but Natalie calmed me down.
“I think I know where to find her, but I am curious as to why you’re so worried.”
“I just can not bear it to be me that upsets her.”
“Rubbish. You’re in love and you know it.” I was stunned. Like I said, I’d thought that I’d kept that hidden. Quietly I asked.
“Is it that easy to tell? Is it that obvious?”
“In your case, yes. Standing around just watching her, moping around on your own, worrying when she’s out late, a hopeless case.” I was crestfallen.
“Does Teresa know?”
“Teresa is entirely unaware of your feelings, which is a pity.”
“What do you mean, a pity?”
“Why do you think she’s run off when she caught you talking to some blonde, apparently making a date on her special day?” A glimmer of a suspicion began to flicker.
“Oh.”
“Oh indeed.”
“Why didn’t anybody say something?”
“Would either of you have listened to us? Why do you think we organised this party? It was to try and get the two of you to see what everyone else could.” I was shocked. I had never thought that Teresa might feel the same way about me as I did about her. I shook myself, and stared at the phone.
“You said you might know where she had gone. Where Natalie? I have to find her now. I have to tell her the truth. Please tell me where she is.”
“There’s a little spot down by the river. It’s very quiet and secluded; we used to go fishing there with Mr Shaw. Well, he fished, we paddled.”
“Surely that made fishing difficult?” I asked, curious in spite of my hurry.
“It was more an excuse for a picnic by the river. Look, that’s not important, do you want to know where the spot is or not?”
“Tell me.”
It was the right place. I found Teresa’s car parked in a gateway near to the spot. I left my car behind hers and followed the path to the river. Teresa was sat with her back to a tree, her head on her knees, crying. I sat beside her.
“Go away. I never want to see you.” She mumbled.
“Then you will never find out that I love you.” She lifted her head, tears still running down her face.
“I don’t believe you. And you have a funny way of showing it. I mean, my own assistant.”
“You have no idea how wrong you are. I was just inviting her to the party on Friday. Please, you have to believe me.”
“What party? I don’t know about any party.”
“How could it be a surprise party if you knew about it?”
“I still don’t believe you.”
“Phone your mother, or Natalie. Either of them will tell you about the party.” I pulled out my mobile phone. “Please, I cannot bear the thought of losing you. You must believe me.” Desperation was creeping into my voice. I held her hand. She pulled it away.
“Go away while I phone Natalie.” I handed her my mobile and walked away from her, down the riverbank.
A few minutes later Teresa came up behind me and put her hand in mine. I turned round to face her. She had her head bowed.
“I believe you.” She whispered.
“About the party?”
“Yes.” She raised her tear-streaked face and looked me in the eyes. “ And I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I should have told you how I feel.”
“So should I.” I pulled her to me and held her in my arms. “Let’s make up for it now. Teresa, I love you with all my heart. Forgive me for any hurt that I have caused by not saying that before.” She kissed me gently.
“Of course I forgive you, but only on the understanding you do the same for me for the same reason.” I kissed her full on the lips, a long deep kiss with more than a years worth of passion. Then I kissed away her tears.
“I forgive you with all my heart.” We began to walk back to the cars, our arms around each other. I looked into her eyes and a thought struck me. “You know this will mean a few changes. We won’t be able to say it any more.”
“Say what?”
“That we’re Just Good Friends.”