The Moment

Written around December 2008, used as the caption for the pic below




The picture is mine.


It is that time of year when you look back and decide what your favourite memories are. This year it’s easy for me and many others I suspect. One Saturday in June at RAF Waddington.
The outlook wasn’t promising. It rained all the way there and continued after we arrived. But, SHE was there. We could see her parked away from everyone. They moved her closer to the crowd and the rain began to ease. The Red Arrows, normally bringers of blue sky, appeared, but they had to do a low-level display. Surely they wouldn’t let HER display in this?
The other displays began and the skies started to clear. Please, oh please! And then! SHE was moving along the taxi path, past her equally famous sister. Looking back, I can’t remember what was displaying at the time, can anyone? Now, there SHE was, sitting at the end of the runway. The commentators got excited and then went quiet. We all went quiet, the only sound that of four mighty Olympus engines building up to full power. And then SHE was moving down the runway, faster and faster until SHE was up, up where SHE belongs, in the sky above an air show crowd.

That was the moment of the year.

For anyone who doesn't realise, "She" is Avro Vulcan B.2 XH558, last flying Vulcan in the world. For more see http://www.site.vulcantothesky.org/

Ghost of the ‘Flying Arrow’.

Written from a suggestion from my step-dad, who also suggested it could be longer. It makes a great opening certainly, but I can't think where to take it. Any suggestions?



There used to be a railway line here. Now the old track is gone. It is silent now, deserted, unused, alone in the dark of the night. Once mighty steam locomotives ran here, but now grass grows. Nothing moves but that brushed by the breeze. It is quiet and peaceful, only Mother Nature making any noise, except…
Suddenly, a far-off whistle is heard, a steam whistle. The sound of an engine, a steam engine approaches. A piece of precision engineering, lovingly crafted, immaculately kept, working hard. There is the clack of steel wheels on non-existent rails. The sound of hissing pistons pounding away gets closer. It’s here, upon us, but nothing can be seen of the mighty machine, only its sound and the smell of hot steam and oil. It passes and recedes into the distance, the once common sound dissipating into the night.
The Arrow still runs!!

Trauma

Fairly old piece, can't remember why I wrote it. Probably something nasty.



Deep in the woods,
Well after dark,
Something bad moves,
Hunting its mark.

As black as the night,
Difficult to see,
I hear it moving,
It’s coming for me!

All that I hear,
Is the sound of its breath,
Moving so close now,
To hound me to death.

Unable to see it,
Only to hear,
I’m frozen in place,
As it draws near.

Suddenly I feel it,
Fingers at throat,
Breathing is difficult,
Escape is remote.

Spots before eyes,
Everything goes black,
Neck is turning,
Spine goes crack.

Bones grind together,
It’s too late my friend,
Oxygen gone now,
It must be THE END

Musings Of An RCV Driver After A Bad Week

Composed whilst driving on a Friday after a nasty week at work.


Alone with my thoughts,
As I drive all day.
The brain gets bored,
And the mind goes astray.

Sometimes I’m happy,
Sometimes I’m sad.
At times it’s so boring,
At others, not so bad.

Sometimes it’s hot,
Sometimes it’s cold.
Sometimes it’s hard,
To do what you’re told.

Drive in here,
Reverse up there.
Only one bin,
Not two in a pair.

Squeeze through that gap,
Avoid that parked car.
Pull up just here,
No! That’s too far!

Was that a bin there?
Better not miss it.
What’s that car doing?
Silly Old twit.

House after House,
Bin after bin.
They go on forever,
But we’re starting to win.

Trucks nearly full now,
Time for a break.
Off to the tip then,
How long will this take?

Back on the road,
To empty more bins.
A little child waves,
I return it, she grins.

That bins a pullout,
That’s an assist.
I’ll get it myself,
To ensure it’s not missed.

Another damn spillage,
That bins not on.
It’s taking so long,
Where has the time gone?

Start in the dark,
Finishing late,
It’s this time of year,
I really hate.

Finally finished,
Lifts stowed away.
Parking her up,
In the wash bay.

Engine turned off,
Everything done.
Time to go home,
Hope next weeks more fun.

In love with Kitty

Just thinking about my favourite character.



I have a problem. I’m in love with a married woman. A fictional married woman. A fictional married woman that I created. It didn’t start out like that. True, Kitty was based on a real person, but I never knew her name, and I only spoke to her a couple of times. So all her personality I invented, all her likes, dislikes, sense of humour, everything. I never wrote down her physical looks as they seemed unimportant to the story. Perhaps they aren’t important. I can picture how she looks, but I don’t have the necessary words to truly describe her. That never seemed to matter. But the personality I created for her is that of a woman I’d like to meet.
As I said, it didn’t really start like that. The girl Kitty was based on was nice enough, and kick-started my story writing. The first part of ‘Summer Rain’, the first couple of paragraphs, was something I had to write after our brief encounter. But she is not the same Kitty as the one at the end of ‘Full Circle’, not as filled out as a character although she does display some traits towards part III. It all points to me ascribing to Kitty the personality of the woman I’d like to love. She cares for her husband, her children, her parents, and her friends. She has a sense of humour to match mine and a way with words better than me. She isn’t perfect, she can be snappy, but deep down she doesn’t mean it. She is kind and helpful, but will put her foot down when she wants to stop something. Possibly she can be a bit moody, but we all are, it’s something you accept. Kitty knows what she wants, but she won’t trample over people to get it, but she will find a way. She recognises that life creates problems and does her best to help smooth them over for her family. In short Kitty is the woman I love, and I can never have her for two simple reasons: She’s in love with her husband Eddie and she doesn’t exist!

Tangled Web

Written after hearing 'Sylvia's mother' by Dr Hook, and 'Living next door to Alice' by Smokie within an hour. What would it be like to love the girl next door and lose her?



Nearly twenty years had passed since they moved in next door. For most of that time, Melissa and I had been friends. As children, we had played and as we got older, we became each other’s confidante, talking over the fence or in each other’s garden or house. It wasn’t as if we were alike. She grew into a beautiful ‘girlie’ girl whereas I, I have to admit, became a bit of a geek, but she liked to talk to me and valued my views. I was in love with Melissa by thirteen years old, but never told her. Now, ten years on, she was back from University for the summer, her studies complete. I’d not gone on to higher education. Instead, I’d gone to work for a local computer builder and repairer and had helped build up a reasonable business. She wanted to talk to me still, but I was in for a shock.
“Dougie, there’s someone I want you to meet.” Unsuspecting, I replied.
“Bring her round; I’ll put the kettle on.” She was always asking me to meet her friends, almost as if she was trying to set me up with them. It never worked; I only had eyes for Melissa. This time was different though.
“It’s not a “her” this time. We’ll be round in a second.” A little puzzled, I opened the front door, went back to the kitchen, and boiled the kettle.
I heard the door shut and Melissa came into the kitchen, leading a tall man with a friendly smile on his face.
“Doug, this is Peter, my fiancé!” Luckily, I had turned my back to them at that moment and neither saw the look of despair cross my face. I turned around, shook Peter firmly by the hand, and kissed Mel.
“You kept that quiet my girl.” I said. “Peter, you are a very lucky man.”
“I am, I know” He replied. “Now, can I help with the kettle?”
“Never mind the kettle, news like this needs something a bit stronger.” I went under the stairs and brought out a bottle of wine. Mel got some glasses out and we toasted their news. I was prepared to hate Pete, but as we talked for about an hour, I found that I liked him. He wasn’t just a friendly face; he was a genuinely nice guy.
After they left, “To spread the news” as Mel put it, I put the wine away and found out my bottle of Jack Daniels, taking it out into the garden and sitting against the fence, our fence. I’d only had a couple of swigs when I heard a voice from the other side.
“Unrequited love eh?” It was Vanessa, Melissa’s younger sister by 4 years.
“Pardon?”
“Unrequited love, it’s a terrible thing.”
“I suppose.”
“Come on Doug, admit it to someone.” I looked into her face.
“All right, I love Melissa, but I never told her and now it’s too late.” She clambered over the fence, she always had been a bit of a tomboy, and sat beside me. She took the bottle from me and took a swig.
“You’ve managed until now, why will her marrying make a difference?”
“Because… Because.” I was stumped. “Because there was always a chance, however small, now there isn’t.”
“So find someone else.”
“Nessie, I don’t know if I can.”
“Doug, pull yourself together, I hate to see you like this.” She paused. “And so would Mel.”
“You think?” I took the bottle back. “Anyway, what do you know about unrequited love?”
“You don’t think you’re the only one do you?” She looked down sadly. I passed her the bottle back.
“Let’s get drunk and start from scratch tomorrow.”
“Sounds like a plan!”

The hangover the next day was horrendous, but I survived, apparently Nessie did too. A couple of days later she rang the doorbell.
“Hi Nessie! Come in.”
“No need, this will only take a minute.” She paused, drawing breath as if worried about what she was about to ask. “Can you take Mel and me to our dress fittings?” Dad’s having trouble with the car and wants to get it fixed.” Momentarily I was unsure, but my feelings for Melissa told me yes.
“Sure, when?”
“In about half an hour?” She looked sideways. “Mel didn’t want to ask, but mom and me thought you might.”
“You mean, you knew I’d say yes.”
“Well, not “knew”. Hoped, maybe?”
“See you in half an hour Vanessa. And tell your sister…” I stumbled, a million thoughts coming at once. “Tell her it would be an honour.”
So, here I was, accompanying a bride and bridesmaid to their dress fittings. Melissa was the first out to look at herself in the mirror.
“What do you think Dougie?” I just stared, open-mouthed. Finally I spoke.
“Mel, you look beautiful.”
“You think? I don’t know whether to believe you, you always say that.”
“Believe me Mel, you’ve never looked better.” She twirled around.
“I must say that it feels right.”
“Don’t change a thing; you’ll stun them all, walking up the aisle like that.” At that moment, Vanessa came out of the changing room. I couldn’t help myself, I gasped.
“What’s the matter?” She asked, looking round.
“Nothing, nothing at all Nessie. You look… You look perfect.” It was true, she had never looked better. As I said, she’d always been a tomboy. When I’d noticed her before she’d always been in torn jeans and scruffy t-shirt, but now… Melissa looked over at her younger sibling, whom she’d barely seen for five years.
“Ness, you’ve finally grown up.”
“And how!” I muttered. Vanessa hummed to herself, querying our comments.
“I don’t feel comfy in a posh frock.”
“Nessie, you wear a dress all day in that shop where you work.” Melissa admonished her.
“That’s work, this is different.” I finally found my tongue again.
“Miss Vanessa, if I may say, you are in grave danger of outshining your sister on her wedding day, which would be some achievement.” Both girls looked at me and giggled.
“Doug, how come no girl has caught you?” Melissa asked.
“Just lucky, I guess.” I said, trying to make light of her question. Nessie gave me a hard stare, as if she was trying to work out if I was telling the truth. What she didn’t realise was that this was the first time I’d looked at her as a woman, instead of the little girl next door, or the sister of the girl I was in love with. And I was awestruck with her beauty. Immediately I was worried that I was trying to replace one sister with the other, that Mel’s marriage was making me look at Nessie as a replacement. However, the fact was that Nessie looked truly stunning in that dress.

And now it was Melissa’s big day. I’d ummed and ahhed about whether I should go. In the end, Vanessa asked me to be her escort. I questioned whether her boyfriend should go with her.
“What boyfriend?” She’d asked. “You must know I’ve never had a steady boyfriend.” I scratched my head; it was true I’d never seen her with anyone more than twice.
“Why not Nessie? You’re very pretty.”
“I told you, I’m in love with someone who doesn’t know I exist.”
“So why not find someone else?”
“Like you with Melissa?” She had me there.
“All right, little miss clever, I’ll come with you, but only with one provision.”
“And that is?”
“I sit at the back so if I can’t watch I can slip out unnoticed.”
“Doug, if you think anyone will be watching you…”
“They will if I suddenly run down the aisle screaming!”
“Don’t be so melodramatic. If you want to sit at the back, sit at the back.”
So here I was, sitting at the back of the church watching the woman I loved marry someone else. At least that was what I thought would happen. Instead, I found myself mesmerised by Vanessa, standing behind her sister. Almost the whole service had passed before I got my attention back to the ceremony. I’d missed the bit about just impediment and the exchange of vows and now they were about to sign the register. Ashamed and confused I stumbled into the churchyard. Ashamed because I thought that losing Mel would be heartbreaking and it seemed it wasn’t. Confused because of my growing feelings for Nessie. I still thought I might be trying to replace one sister with the other, and that wouldn’t be fair on Vanessa.
Nessie came out and found me in the graveyard. The wedding photo’s had been taken and I was sat looking out at the view from a bench. She sat down beside me.
“Nearly made it then?” She asked.
“Nearly, but it wasn’t what I thought that made me leave.”
“What was it then?”
“Nessie, I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. I’m very confused at the moment.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the hip flask of Jack that I’d brought with me.
“You can’t drink that if you’re going to drive me home so I can change out of this dress for the reception.”
“That’s a bit against protocol isn’t it? In any case, you look wonderful in the dress.”
“Stuff protocol and I really don’t like dresses.” She smiled and stood, pulling me up with her. “Take me home please.” She grinned.
“Okay, but I’m going to see your mother first.” She frowned. “Just in case she gets worried.”
“Mom won’t worry about me today, and especially if you’re with me.”
“Then it won’t hurt to tell her will it?”
I sat downstairs, idly toying with the glass of wine she’d poured me. We’d decided to walk to the reception; it was only five minutes down the road. Vanessa’s mom had asked me to try to get her to wear some sort of frock, not her usual jeans and t-shirt; I’d said I’d try. Nessie came down the stairs unusually shyly. She peered around the corner of the door before inching her way into the room.
“What do you think?” She asked, twirling around in a very pretty, very simple summer dress. For a second I was dumbstruck again. “You don’t like it? I’ll change.”
“No! No, don’t. You look amazing, perfect. Don’t change, please.”
“Come on then, let’s drown our sorrows again. This time dad’s paying.” She flashed me that smile again. I rose and took her hand.
“It would give great pleasure to escort such a beauty anywhere.” She giggled.
“I love it when you talk like that, lets go.”
The reception was well under way by the time we got there. I hadn’t wanted to hurry because walking with Vanessa had been so nice. We’d swapped jokes and memories as we strolled along. I was beginning to realise that Nessie was not like her big sis at all, that I was attracted to something different in her to Mel, but still I worried. I delivered Nessie to her mother, who smiled at me, silently thanking me that her younger daughter hadn’t donned her usual attire. I shrugged, hoping to convey that it was Vanessa’s doing.
As the evening progressed, I danced a couple of times with Nessie, but tried to avoid Mel, unsure what to say to her. Finally, she cornered me and led me by the hand out into the garden.
“Thank you for coming, and for looking after Nessie.”
“I couldn’t miss your big day Mel, and despite what everyone thinks, the summer frock was Nessie’s idea.”
“You think?” She raised her eyebrows. “Anyway, I know how hard it was for you to be there.”
“I don’t think you do, Mel.”
“Doug, I know. I’ve always known, but, try as I might, I couldn’t love you other than as a brother, I’m sorry.” I looked at her, shocked. I had really thought she didn’t know how I felt.
“Mel, I’m sorry too.” I held her hands. “I should have said something, and then you wouldn’t have had to pretend…” I faltered as her blue eyes began to water. “No, don’t cry. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, don’t let me ruin it.”
“You don’t hate me, or Pete?”
“I’ll never be able to hate you, and Pete is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I must admit, I did try to hate him, but I can’t. If he makes you happy, that’s good enough for me.”
“So, we can still be friends?”
“Dear Melissa, we’ll always be friends, nothing you can say will stop me loving you. If that’s too much for you or Pete, say now, and I’ll stay away.”
“No, you don’t need too. I told Pete everything about you, and he likes you too. Please, stay in contact with us. I still value your views.”
“Well, if you’re sure?”
“She is, and I happen to agree.” Pete came up behind us. “Doug, I know this has been difficult, but I can tell you are a man of honour, and I’m happy for you and Mel to talk from time to time, and I’d like to talk with you too. Maybe you can fill me in on some of her secrets.” He laughed. “Come on, let’s have a drink.”
“One last thing. I’ll tell you both, but no one else is to know.” I drew breath, knowing I couldn’t tell the whole truth. “I’m ashamed to say, I think I might be in love with someone else now, sorry Mel.” She laughed.
“That sounds wonderful, who is it, and do I know her?”
“I’d rather not say yet, but you do know her.”
“Another reason for a drink! Come on.”

So now, Christmas was upon us. Mel and Pete had been married for six months. I’d been over to see them about three times in their new home. Each time Nessie had begged a lift. I was happy to oblige. Any time I spent in her company was time I enjoyed. She always seemed to dress up for the occasion, putting on a dress or skirt rather than her habitual jeans. She could have worn a Donkey Jacket and dungarees and I would have still enjoyed her company, but I didn’t think it was for me, I thought it was to show her elder sister that she had grown up. However, this close to the festive season Vanessa was working some serious overtime and I was visiting alone for the first time. The computer repairs, the part of the business I was mostly concerned with, had slowed a bit, but was bound to pick up when people wired their new presents up wrong, or deleted something vital, my busy period was ahead. Pete greeted me at the door like an old friend, and to be truthful, I did feel that I’d known him for ages. His first question was, as always, did I intend to drive back tonight, or did I want a drink. Without Nessie, I was inclined to accept the offer of a bed and a drink for a change. This pleased him enormously.
“Great! I’ll go and air the spare room, get Mel to pour you a J.D.” I went into the lounge, where Mel was already pouring out a Jack Daniels for me. I handed over the presents I had brought, not just from me, but my parents, her parents and Nessie. She fussed over them, adding them to a small collection.
“Can you take these back in return?” She asked, indicating a pair of bags bulging with wrapped parcels.
“No problem, that was the idea of me coming down.”
“I’m sorry Vanessa couldn’t come. I like to keep in touch with her.”
“Perils of shop work I suppose, especially this time of year.” I paused. “In a way, I’m glad she couldn’t come, it means I can talk to you and Pete about something.”
“Douglas, you intrigue me, please continue!”
“Yes indeed, do tell!” Pete said, coming into the room.
“Well, I need some advice.”
“About Nessie?” Mel asked, innocently.
“Yes.” I said, and then realised what she’d said. “How did you know that?” Pete clapped me round the shoulder.
“Even a rugby player like me could work that one out mate, simple observation.”
“You mean, you knew?”
“Dougie, I worked that out at the wedding. You were the only one not looking at me.” She frowned. “It was very disconcerting for a girl to find that the boy who apparently loved her as much as her new husband spent almost the whole day staring at her sister.” They both grinned. I was dumbstruck. Pete spoke quietly.
“Don’t ask me how she managed to see what was happening behind her old boy. Just accept it.”
“I … I do. My problem is…” I stumbled over the words. “My logic tells me that I’m trying to replace Mel with Nessie, but …But it doesn’t feel like that.” Melissa leaned forward and topped up my glass.
“I can’t tell you what to do, or clarify your feelings, but I can give you some additional info.” I perked up a little.
“Yes?”
“You think Nessie is in love with someone?”
“That’s what she told me, unrequited love; someone who doesn’t know she exists was what she said.”
“I can tell you who she loves.”
“Who?”
“You, you fool. Why do you think she dresses up when you take her anywhere? Won’t she drop everything when you ask her if she’s free? I’ve known it as long as I’ve known about your feelings for me. I’ve seen her watching you, following you, just as you did with me.” Suddenly I felt ashamed.
“Mel, I’m sorry. I never …” I tailed off.
“Doug, I’m telling you. She loves you.”
“But what if I’m wrong and I am trying to replace you with her?” Pete sat beside me.
“Douglas, I know I barely know you, but it seems to me you’ve created a huge dilemma for yourself. ‘What if’ this and ‘what if’ that. What you must ask yourself now is, if I can’t trust my own judgement, whose can I trust?” I nodded, his words seemed sensible.
“I need to talk to my Mom, and Mel’s Mom too, I think.”
“Well I know mom will be asleep by now, so that will have to wait Dougie dear, go to bed, and sleep on it.”

I did sleep on it, and knew that I needed to talk to someone more experienced: Some mothers in fact. It wasn’t too hard to get the two of them together. Neighbours for more than twenty years, they loved to talk, and here was one of their favourite topics asking them for advice.
“Mom, you know about how I felt about Melissa?”
“Yes dear, we all did.” I was about to ask why no one had said anything to me but let it pass.
“Well, since the wedding, before the wedding actually, I’ve begun to feel the same way about Vanessa.”
“And your problem is?” Nessie’s mom asked.
“The problem is, logic tells me that I’m replacing Mel with Nessie, and she deserves better than that.”
“Son, you have always thought with your head. Now would be a good time to think with your heart.” Mel’s mom nodded in agreement.
“Douglas, for many years now I have watched Vanessa watching you watching Melissa. I thought it was a little complicated, but now it seems that the only complications are you and Nessie. Tell her what you feel and let her decide.” I looked at the two women I had gone to for advice for so long and nodded.
“All right, but the moment has to be right.” My mother muttered something I didn’t quite catch, but it sounded like ‘just ask her’. “I’ll speak to her at the New Years Party.” The girl’s mother grinned.
“Oh good, I like fireworks on New Years Eve.”

All our friends were at the party, including Mel and Pete; everyone was enjoying themselves, except me and Nessie. We were both trying to deal with our demons. It was after eleven that I plucked up the courage to ask her if I could have a word. Again, she was wearing a dress: it was a beautiful tight-fitting black dress that wasn’t best suited for a talk in the garden in the middle of winter. I draped my jacket around her shoulders, as we leant on the dividing fence.
“Nessie, there is something I have to ask you.”
“Oh yes?”
“More than one thing actually.” I was beginning to wish I’d drank a little less, but then I may never have asked her into the garden..
“Doug, its cold, what are you trying to say?”
“Nessie, it has been brought to my attention that I have been a prize pillock, and can’t see what is happening in front of me.”
“Dougie, get to the point, I’m freezing out here.”
“Miss Vanessa, I realise that I love you. I thought I might be trying to replace your sister with you, but I’m not. I love you for yourself.”
“Doug…I don’t know…” She faltered. “I don’t know what to say. I’ve been in love with you for so long without you knowing.” She began to cry.
“No, don’t Nessie. It was me who wasn’t looking, not you. It came to me in the dress shop, when I saw the two of you together. Melissa looked beautiful, but you were even more so. That isn’t supposed to happen to a bride. And the reason I left the church, that was you. I was confused about who I was in love with.” She shook her head defiantly, tears pouring down her face.
“Why now?”
“Do the words ‘unrequited love’ mean anything to you Nessie? Until a week ago, I thought you were talking about someone else, but some heavy hints have been dropped that you meant someone closer to home.”
“Yes, next door.” She replied, looking at me through teary eyes. “All the time you were thinking of Mel, I was thinking of you. What does that make us?”
“A pair of idiots I think.” I grinned and hugged her, kissing away her tears. “How about a new start? As if we don’t know one another?” She nodded.
I took a couple of steps back and then held out my hand.
“Hello, I’m Doug. What’s your name?” She giggled and blew her nose before taking my hand and shaking it.
“I’m Vanessa, pleased to meet you.” I pulled her towards me, and as the clocks rang in the New Year, accompanied by our fathers letting off rockets, I kissed her.
“Pleased to meet you Vanessa.” I whispered in her ear. “Will you marry me?”

Daybreak

This about my true love MH434 Spitfire Mk IX owned by the Old Flying Machine Company

The roar of the Merlin starting
Greets the rising sun
The aircraft starts to taxi
And then begins to run
The light of early morning
Catches the spinning blades
And as she leaves the ground
It seems the present fades
She leaves the ground behind her
And heads into the blue
Paintwork catching the sunlight
Glistening as if still new
Above the trees she soars
Climbing higher yet
Banking, rolling, looping
A sight I’ll not forget
And now she comes in lower
Mere feet above the ground
The Merlin roars much louder
As she banks and pulls around
Standing here and watching
Reminded of summers past
A mere machine of such beauty
But a spell she seems to cast
In times of trouble she protected us
With others of her kind
But memories are still strong
With those still left behind
The display is nearly over
And she glides in now to land
The wheels running on the grass
As she taxi’s to her stand
The engine cuts to silence
The propeller slows and stops
In the stillness of the moment
The cooling engine pops
She stands a thing of beauty
A link from now to then
A perfect piece of history
That we’ll never see again.

copyright Dave


Both photo's are my own. Larger versions on Flickr

Someone Else’s Girl

(I have reservations about posting this one for two reasons. 1, I don't think its that goood. 2, It has the least disguised character ever.)


It was a sunny autumnal day when I first met her. She joined our office on a temporary contract, filling in while someone else was away. In the beginning she was just another face, someone who asked me questions about what to do about this or that. It wasn’t as if I was a supervisor or anything, I’d just done so many of the jobs in the office at one time or another that everyone, even my nominal superiors, asked for my advice at some time, so it was no surprise when the newest member of our team did the same. She fitted in easily, and we got on quite well, despite the difference in our ages. We actually had a few things in common, a rare occurrence for me, but I learnt early on that she already had a boyfriend, so I didn’t really think of her in any way other than as a workmate. I suppose we all became a little bit infected by her enthusiasm, and after only a week or two I became fairly fond of her.
And then came the conference. She really wanted to go this conference and the boss agreed she should go, but wanted to send someone else as well. As I said, I’ve done most of the jobs in the office and was reliable so I was asked to go with her. I agreed, mainly on the understanding I was to make sure nothing untoward happened at the after-conference awards. The journey to the conference was illuminating, even if it did exhaust all of my small talk in one go. I learnt a little about her upbringing, more about her ambitions. I told her about my fondness for writing, doing myself down at every opportunity. This upset her a little, making her declare that if I was that bad at everything how come I was always being asked to do things, and she wasn’t going to keep massaging my ego by saying I deserved it or I could do it. This made me stop and think. I realised I had been unconsciously fishing for compliments, and had been trying to impress her. This was my first warning.
Upon arrival at the conference, we found that our hotel was several miles away but a coach would be laid on for the runs to and from the venues. This suited us both as neither of us was keen on too much more driving. It was my turn as we drove to the hotel, so most of the chatting was left to her as I followed the directions. Upon booking in we discovered that our rooms were not adjacent, in fact they were not even on the same floor. We agreed to meet in an hour or so for dinner somewhere. As I unpacked my small bag I began to wonder what I could say to her now, without revealing anything I didn’t want revealed. As it happened it wasn’t too bad, I fell back on the old tales told too me when I started, such and such a thing happened, I did something like this once, etc, etc. The old hand repeating to the newcomer, tales of a different era, and the evening passed without incident. There would be a long day ahead, so we both retired to our rooms early.
We caught the coach in next morning and settled into the conference hall. The speakers varied from interesting and pertinent, through to uninteresting and unconnected, At least that was what I thought, but she seemed enraptured by almost every one of them. I suppose that was my cynicism breaking out, or possibly just boredom. Some of what they were saying was just so much same old same old. The breaks were interesting. Queuing for coffee with some high-powered company directors or government representatives led to some interesting conversations and exchange of business cards. We quickly decided as everyone else seemed to be much higher up the managerial tree than us that we were not going to be merely administrative assistants. She became an assistant projects officer (a wonderfully vague title) and I became the company trouble-shooter, mainly because I’d done nearly every job in the company at one time or another. This seemed to satisfy most people we talked to and made us feel more like we belonged.
And so to the party. I met her in the bar as we waited for the coach to take us. I was feeling more than a little self-conscious wearing a bow-tie and white shirt, although I was surprised that I didn’t look as bad as I thought I would. Then she arrived. Up to this point she had always worn slacks, and now she arrived in the bar wearing what can only be described as a little black dress. I was gob smacked, she looked wonderful! I managed not to stare and carried on a normal conversation as we sipped drinks waiting for the coach. The awards themselves were almost like torture for me. As the drinks flowed I could hardly keep my eyes off her. The meal was fine, the ceremonies enjoyable, the company interesting, and then came the dancing. We danced on a couple of occasions, but as I am a poor dancer, most of the time I could only watch as she danced with some other man. By now I had stopped drinking anything alcoholic as I was due to drive home the following day; she had no such inhibitions and was becoming more than a little merry. The coaches would be arriving soon when she said something about feeling like she’d been mauled. I went straight into over-protection mode. Time we were leaving, lets get your coat, you don’t need that last glass of wine. Too much. She took exception, called me bossy and some less pleasant terms. Nevertheless the coaches were there, so I shepherded her on board. She relaxed, said she was sorry, but she didn’t like being told what to do, and fell asleep, her head on my shoulder.
The coach arrived back at the hotel and I shook her gently awake. She awoke with a start and I had to lead her to the desk to get our keys. We took the lift to her floor with several other party guests. I wasn’t sure about how they viewed us, me holding her upright, her holding my hand tightly. Ignoring their looks I helped her to her room, waited as she took off her coat and shoes, asked if she would be alright, and receiving a quiet yes, left her for my own room, two floors down. As I closed my own door, several thoughts crossed my mind. The first was that it was a good job I had been there to help her back. The second was that I had wanted to kiss her as she had struggled with her coat. Luckily I had been in control enough to save her from me as well as anyone else. I slept little that night.
The next morning we met for breakfast. She looked a little sheepish, and said she couldn’t remember much about the previous evening and apologised if she’d said anything regrettable. I waved her aside, saying she’d done nothing to be sorry for. We decided to drive to the conference so that we could leave when we liked and make our way home. The second day of speakers was much the same as the first and by lunch we had had enough and decided to leave. By now I had used up nearly every anecdote I could remember and she now knew more about me than almost any woman I had known and I suddenly realised I was falling for her. I remembered how jealous I was when someone else was dancing with her, and when I’d thought she was being groped how I’d gone off at the deep end. And she was someone else’s girl. How stupid could I be? I dropped her off at home and then went home myself, worrying about what would happen next.
Luckily I was relieved from office duties at the end of the week and went back to my nominal job. This would have been alright except for not long after our mutual supervisor had to have an operation and it was decided to temporarily split their responsibilities between, yes, you guessed it, me and her. This meant I was in almost constant contact with her, either on the phone or face to face. I could only hope I was managing to keep my feelings hidden. To help me in this I took the other admin assistant into my confidence. She has been a good friend for many years and I asked her to just keep an eye on me and stop me if it looked like I was going to do something silly. This worked well for a week or two until the team meeting in the pub. It was a Friday afternoon and we all gathered and talked and laughed, played a game or two of pool and generally enjoyed ourselves. Except for me. One or two of the others began pulling my leg about not working any more, and about brown-nosing. Normally I would have laughed back, but she was there. They were putting me down in front of her and I didn’t know what to do. I left not long after her and spent a miserable weekend angry with myself and the others.
On the Monday morning I decided I was going to have to tell the boss, if only to explain why I didn’t want to be in the office anymore. To my surprise, the boss already knew. Either my confidante had said something or I wasn’t keeping it to myself as well as I thought. Now things were talked out and I can work in the office and only occasionally find myself staring at her. Sometimes I find I have to write, much as I’m doing now, just to get it out of my system. All I can do is hope she stays happy, and if by some miracle she doesn’t then hope she still likes me enough. That is the only way I’ll get her, because she’s someone else’s girl.

FREEDOM

Old poem, inspired by the book 'Callanish' by William Horwood.


On the top of the cliffs,
Where the land meets the sea,
Is a wonderful place,
Where the Eagle flies free.

Where the crash of the waves,
Fills the break of the dawn,
The Eagle soars up,
In the light of the morn.

Across lands green and pleasant,
And seas cold and grey,
On thermals he rises,
Seeking his prey.

With each beat of his wings,
With each haunting cry,
He rises higher,
Across the lightening sky.

The skies are his realm,
He is their king,
Gliding gracefully,
The sun on his wing.

In the still quiet air,
Where spirits are free,
The Eagle flies on,
I wish it was me.

To leave the ground,
And fly so high,
Saying to worries,
A brief goodbye.

Things Unsaid

Started wondering what happened to a friend of my sister. Wanted to do a 'flashback' story. Combined the two and ended up with this. One of my favourite stories to write.


I’ve lost her, I know. It was a stupid argument. And I told her to go, to leave me alone, that I would be better off without her. How senseless was that? She went, crying her eyes out, and I let her, I waved her goodbye. I cannot believe I did that. As she slammed the door, I picked up a bottle, and drank. Actually, what I did was drink some more. I must have been drunk to have argued with her in the first place. I knew she was right, but stubbornness made me argue. Stubbornness and alcohol. I took another swig from the bottle, my mind wandering through our relationship.

Kim was a friend of my sister when I first met her, about four years younger than me. It wasn’t love at first sight or anything like that; she was just there, hanging around. I hardly noticed her for quite some time, until she blossomed. And how she blossomed! From a skinny, gawky teen to a real beauty in a little more than a year. She became a gorgeous young woman. Kim came with us on a couple of family trips. They were just trips out for the day, the more the merrier sort of thing. It was the first one to the seaside when she caught my eye. I think I was playing beach cricket when I saw her in her bikini, paddling. My concentration went to pieces and I cried off from the game. I went to sit amongst the rock pools and watched Kim from a distance as she swam in the sea for a while. Then she emerged from the waves like some modern Aphrodite. That was the moment I knew, I knew she was the one.
However, being me, I didn’t say anything to Kim and she didn’t appear to have noticed the extra attention I was paying her. I agonized about what to do. I felt attracted to her but wasn’t sure that it hadn’t just been that moment. Eventually I asked her out. Just to the cinema, some rom-com or other. It went well enough, well enough for me to ask her out again now and then, a movie again or a meal maybe. If she was at a loose end she’d agree. We were never really a couple then, just, well, backup dates, if neither of us was otherwise engaged. This not very serious state of affairs went on for a few months until I went away to college.

I took another swig from the bottle. College was where I had learnt to drink, drink and party. Back then I could handle it easier, youth and a prodigious metabolism meant that I never lost control, never letting my temper rise. Now it seemed that those days were gone, along with Kim. More and more I found my temper rising, and every time it was harder to control, to calm myself down.

I came back from college and found that Kim had got herself a job in a shop rather than going further with her education. She was good at it too, already assistant manager. On the other hand I was drifting, unsure about what I wanted to do now. I got in touch with Kim and asked her out again, totally forgetting that she may have a boyfriend. She agreed and we went to one our old haunts, the cinema, and then for a meal. As we ate we talked, catching up a little. She asked if I could afford this, as at the moment I was just back from college. Looking back, she was only asking as a concerned friend, but I didn’t take it that way. I stormed off after paying for the meal, leaving Kim stunned. Our first row. As I left I felt the anger leave me, and felt ashamed, realising that she was only showing that she was grown up too. I called her early next morning, before she went to work, almost too early. Kim was calm and accepted my apology and hoped that I understood that she was only trying to help. I told her I did and that I was really sorry for taking her help the wrong way, and could we still be friends? A smile broke on my face when she said ‘of course’.
I took several temporary jobs that summer, all boring and menial, and then found something that I enjoyed. Driving a lorry around the county, making deliveries. Probably a waste of my education, but it was something I liked doing. On my own for most of the time, no set schedule as long as everything was delivered. It suited me down to the ground. One of my regular drops just happened to be to Kim’s shop, once or twice a week. I looked forward to these, trying to make them the last drop of the day so that I knew how much time I could spend talking to Kim. After my earlier embarrassing moment I steered clear of asking her out for quite some time, until Kim asked me out. I accepted, eager to make up for my earlier mistake. When I asked if she was serious with anyone, she said that none of her dates had ever led to anything serious, and I her only constant admirer. I said I didn’t believe her, surely a girl as pretty as her could find a serious boyfriend? Her reply was that she tended to focus on her career and that seemed to put most guys off, except me. I just said that I’d know her longer than most, and she’d have to do better than that to get rid of me.
We started to go out occasionally, still not serious. This went on for more than a year. We asked nothing of one another other than companionship. Movies and meals, the odd day trip here and there. Then at the New Year party Kim dropped her bombshell. She was being transferred, to become Manager at one of the smaller branches, but it was out of my delivery area. I was happy for her, she deserved the recognition, but sad that I would rarely get to see her anymore. She seemed to sense my conflict, but said nothing. All I could do was offer my congratulations. I drank too much at the party, drowning my sorrows. Kim saw me home. On the doorstep I asked when she was going. “Soon” she told me. How soon came as a shock however. My next delivery to her shop a couple of days later found me talking to the new assistant manager, Kim was already gone.

I looked at the bottle and put it down, staring around the room instead. Here and there were little touches of Kim. A picture she’d bought, a framed photo of the two of us on a beach, some CD’s and DVD’s of hers. I picked up the bottle again.

This parting had been the worst. I had got used to Kim being in my life, even if it was only on the edge. Except she wasn’t on the edge. As the weeks passed I realised that she had become the centre of my life. Any day that I saw her or talked to her was a good day; a day with no contact was a bad day. Now she was a hundred miles away, I could call her, but there were no more ‘whim’ dates. No “Are you free tonight?” calls. I couldn’t handle it and began to phone her less and less. Part of this was because of my promotion to manager of the dispatch department. I had less time to talk, more to worry about. I suspect that Kim had a lot on her plate too; I gathered from other friends in her old shop that the branch she had taken over was not one of the more successful ones in the chain, but that Kim was beginning to turn it round.
We had barely talked for almost six months when I met her in a bar in town. I didn’t know it was her at first. I just saw a woman being hassled by some drunk at the bar. I walked up behind him and grabbed his arm, forcing it up his back, pushing him across the bar. “Bud, the lady doesn’t appreciate your attention. If you don’t apologise I’ll keeping pushing on this arm till it comes off and then I’ll stuff it down your throat.” He squealed in pain as I increased the pressure to make the point.
“Okay, okay I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll go.” He turned around as I let go. “What’s it to you anyway?” Now I had recognised Kim. Her hair style had changed, but as soon as I saw her face and her blue eyes I knew it was her.
“As it happens, the lady is a good friend of mine, and if I’d known it was her I’d have pushed harder.” He scuttled away. I smiled. “Hello Kim, what are you doing back in town?”
“I’ve had a job offer. Manager of the big new superstore that’s opening.”
“I’m impressed, but not surprised. Where are you staying?”
“Hotel for the moment.”
“Sounds dull. Busy tonight?”
“You offering to take me out?”
“I know a new restaurant if you’re interested.”
“Then I’m yours for the night.” She laughed.
That evening we caught up with each others news once again, something we always seemed to be doing. I spent a lot of the time just looking at Kim, wondering how I never seemed to be able to hold onto her, how no-one could hold onto her. For a change it was Kim who had a little too much to drink and I had to help her back to her hotel room. She paused on the threshold and seemed to be waiting for something. Her sparkling blue eyes seemed to be willing me to speak.
“Kim, have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” I spoke from the heart, not caring what she thought, she’d probably not remember anyway. She smiled and pecked me on the cheek.
“Not really, but I thank you. I had gathered how you feel.”
“And I know I’ve never told you I love you.” She looked stunned for a moment.
“The feeling is mutual you know.” She pulled me towards her; our lips meeting in a kiss that had been a long time coming. I broke off the contact.
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Thus began the final stage of our relationship. We went out together at least once a week, sometimes Kim came back to my place, and sometimes she didn’t. She was so busy preparing to open the store that it took her over a month to find a flat. After she did we occasionally went back there, but mine was usually the preferred venue for a nightcap. Gradually Kim left her presence in my flat, just little things. Some of her DVD’s after a night watching them, the odd CD she’d lent me, bits and pieces of jewellery she left behind, the odd piece of clothing. Her flat collected some of my things too, mostly laundry, only much tidier. And then things began to slip.

The store opening was a huge success, but that had never been in doubt with Kim behind it. My firm however was struggling a little, I had to lay off some of the drivers, something I didn’t like doing, and it was making me tetchy and on more than one occasion I was very short with Kim as she talked about how well things were going for her. When she found out why (I hadn’t told her) she apologised to me, but I told her it was my fault for not saying anything. Sometimes I had to go out and drive, which I didn’t mind, but more than once that meant cancelling a date with Kim, which pleased neither of us. The store was running itself now thanks to Kim’s organisation, which meant that she had more free time. In my case I was having to work harder and more often, meaning that our time together was often short, sometimes no more than a quick hello. It was beginning to affect me, I was getting short tempered again and I was drinking more often alone. It came to a head this afternoon.

It was the weekend. Kim had gone into work in the morning for some minor housekeeping, leaving me on my own. By the time she returned I was most of the way to being drunk. Kim was disappointed in me when she came in and said so. This was where I took exception and the row started, culminating in me telling her to leave.

Again I looked at the bottle in my hand. By now it was half empty, or was it half full? As I stared at it I was suddenly disgusted with myself, and with this bottle. Combined with my temper and stubbornness they had driven away the best thing in my life, the only thing I cared about. I stood a little unsteadily and walked to the door, the door Kim had slammed behind her on her way out of my life. Outside were the bins. I walked over to them. I unscrewed the bottle and poured out the contents, and then flung the empty into the recycling bin, smashing the glass satisfyingly. I turned around and Kim was there, leaning against the wall.
“Dramatic.” She said. “Any reason?” Her face was still tear-stained, but she looked at me steadily, her blue eyes challenging me once more.
“My temper and alcohol don’t make a good mix.” I said. “No alcohol, no temper, simple.” She continued to stare me down, her eyes drawing words out of me that I’d always wanted to say, but never had. “We’re supposed to grow old with someone, not because of them.” Still she stared. Uncomfortably I continued to speak; I needed a reaction from her. “I’ve realised that I can do without almost anything, except one precious thing.”
“Only one?” Her eyes dropped from the survey of my face.
“Yes. You.” I stepped up to her and lifted her chin with my finger.
“Me?” Her eyes shone with tears again.
“Don’t tease me Kim. I can’t take back what I’ve said; all I can ask is that you forgive me and come back.” She smiled and hugged me.
“Fool. I never went away. I just hoped that you’d realise that you wanted me as much as I wanted to be with you” She kissed me gently and led me back indoors. “But the drinking will have to go.”
“Just as long as there’s something to replace it.” I joked, kissing her again.
“I’m sure we’ll think of something.”

My Favourite Endings

Not a story, just some jottings. Started when I was working in our office during a slack period. Feel free to add your own favourites in the comments.



I started thinking recently about endings, initially about the final scenes of TV series. My personal favourite one was the ending of Cheers, when Sam Malone is sat in the bar alone and someone rattles the locked door. “We’re closed.” Just about perfect.
The opposite of that was the last episode of Soap, when everybody is involved in some cliffhanger ending the same as normal, but they freeze frame the scenes. But then again Soap always was unique.
Blakes Seven. Now that was an example of how to go out with a bang. It hadn’t been that good for a couple of series, but the last episode and especially the last scene, when everyone but Avon has been shot by the federation and he raises his weapon, laughs that laugh and... It fades out. You hear a final shot, but who has fired it? They’re all dead right? Or are they? Has Blake had a plan all along? Could Avon possibly escape? We never do find out.
Fawlty Towers. Just about all the endings were great. “Ducks Off.” Sybil shouting for Basil who has hidden in the laundry basket. Basil with the gnome under his arm off to visit Mr O’Reilly, “And then I might go to Canada.” “How did they ever win the war?” Basil Dragged out by his heels as the Hotel inspector stares at the space where just moments before he was offered a rat. Basil dropping Mrs Richards’s vase. “That cost eighty five pounds!” Basil ordering a room for the night with lashings of hot screwdriver. Possibly they were all so memorable because that was the point the whole episode was building too, but still, for every one of the stories to end that way was some achievement.
The Italian Job. The coach dangling over the edge of the cliff, the gold and the team balancing each other, Michael Caine trying to grasp it and it slides further away. “Listen lads, I’ve got a great idea.”
Then I started thinking about other sorts of endings. Doctor Who companions for a start. I thought Sarah Jane’s last scenes were wonderful. Looking around expecting to be in Hill View Rd, in Croyden. She looks around, discovers she’s not in Hill View Rd, shrugs, says to herself its probably not even Croyden, and walks off looking up into the sky. My other favourite leaving scene was for Tegan. She’s suddenly sick of all the death and destruction and storms out of the TARDIS. The doctor turns away unhappily and the TARDIS leaves. Tegan comes rushing back, as if she’s changed her mind, but it’s too late. Echoing the Doctors words she murmurs “Brave Heart, Tegan.” Is it a coincidence that these two were two of the longest lasting and most popular of the companions? My other memorable Doctor Who Ending was the last one ever before the TV movie, when they knew it was finishing. The Doctor and Ace walk off into the sunset, with the Doctor saying, “Come Ace, there’s work to be done.”
And then my mind began to wander. Bon Scott’s final recorded words on Highway to Hell were “Shazbar, Nanu, Nanu.” Weird but wonderful as always, thanks Bon. Thin Lizzys final performance at Reading was inevitably “Still in love with you.” A beautiful song any way, but infused with extra poignancy by the fact this is it, the final song of the final set, and the rapport between the fans and the band was still as strong as ever.
What about the ending to both the first radio series and the television series of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Louis Armstrong’s “What a wonderful world.”? What a brilliant finish! Of course they carried on afterwards with a second radio series but it was still an inspired ending.
And then I started thinking about book endings, you know, the bit everybody reads first. The Cruel Sea is one of my favourite books anyway, but I love the ending. For five and a half years they have been battling against the Germans and the ocean and the Captain turns to Number One and says, “I must say, I’m damn tired.” The film ends the same way, sort of just fizzling out. Nice counterpoint to the harshness of the war.

Love In The Air

Challenged to write a holiday romance, I came up with this. I don't know what trans-atlantic flights are really like, or US customs for that matter. Hope that doesn't spoil things for anyone.


Half an hour into the flight and I was bored. I’d seen the film on offer and had long ago found that I couldn’t read whilst flying. I began to look around at the other passengers. My eye was drawn to a red-headed girl sitting on her own a row in front and on the other side. She too seemed to be bored and was looking out of the window distractedly. The flight attendant was walking by and I called her over.
“Excuse me, but do you know if that girl is with anyone? She looks as bored as me, and I wonder if she’d like to talk.”
The flight attendant looked from me to the girl and back again, obviously weighing up what she knew about us both. She smiled.
“You’re in luck. She’s travelling on her own to visit some friends.” I must have looked a bit surprised. “A bit like you in fact. Do you want me to ask her if it’s all right for you to talk to her?”
“Yes please.” I nodded. “If it’s not too much trouble.” The flight attendant moved across to the girl and bent down to talk to her. The red-head looked around at me and nodded. She beckoned me over.
I eased into the seat next to her, murmuring my thanks to the flight attendant.
“Hi! My names Rob, Robert, and I thought you looked as fed up as me, and might like to talk.”
“Hello. I’m Madeleine, and you are right, I’m bored stiff.”
“That’s the problem with these long flights. My problem is I can’t read or write or even sleep without feeling sick. Ironic really, because I love planes but hate flying.” She laughed sweetly.
“I can’t say I have either problem, but stupidly I left the book I was reading in my luggage, leaving me with nothing to do.”
“Is this your first long haul flight then?”
“Yes. Some old friends of mine invited me across to stay for a while and I leapt at the chance. Three weeks in the US.”
“I’m going to visit my grandparents. Second trip in three years. I’ll be there three weeks too.”
“What a coincidence! What flight are you getting home?” I had to get my ticket out to check. Madeleine looked down as I read it. “That’s the flight I’m on too! Strange forces are afoot.” We both laughed.
After that we just talked, what books do you read, what’s your favourite film, what makes you laugh, what music do you like? Things like that. We didn’t really read the same sort of books, but we had read some of the same things. Our movie tastes were different too, but again we liked some the same. Our sense of humour was similar, but our music tastes only coincided at the heavy end of pop and the power ballad end of rock, me being the rock, Maddy the pop. None of this seemed to matter as we chatted. Madeleine was easy company, easy to talk to. I found myself telling her things I’d never told anyone else. Perhaps she was a good listener, or more probably I was subconsciously thinking I’d not see her again, except maybe on the flight home.
We were half an hour from landing when Maddy wrote on a piece of paper and handed it to me.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“The phone number of my friends place, where I’ll be staying. I was thinking…” She paused, suddenly unsure of what she was doing. “I was thinking that you might phone me once or twice, while we’re here, if you get bored?” I looked into her green eyes and saw her uncertainty. I smiled and took the proffered note.
“I will phone you every day if you like.” I took out a napkin and wrote my grandparents number on it, passing it to Maddy when I’d finished. “That’s in case you want to phone me back.” I grinned at her and her face cleared of the sudden cloud that had crossed it, breaking into a smile herself.
The plane had landed and we were all collecting our bits and pieces ready to disembark. I slipped into the aisle behind Maddy and followed her to the battleground that is luggage retrieval. Because I had come over here before, I’d realised that my usual tiny case was not big enough for a three week stay and had used the medium-sized one this trip. I spotted it soon enough and grabbed it. Madeleine had got a large case, but seemed to be waiting for another one. I stood beside her until it appeared. She breathed a sigh of relief as she picked it up.
“There’s always a horrible moment when you think they’ve lost your case, isn’t there?” She said. I nodded in agreement.
“Sometimes it’s worse than that. A couple of years ago I went to Portugal, waited for my case that never came.”
“Oh no! What did you do?” Maddy exclaimed. I smiled at the memory.
“It turned out that I’d checked in so early that my case had made the journey ahead of me. I found it in the lost luggage!” We walked slowly towards the customs desk and joined the queue. It took ages as always but eventually we got to the front of the queue.
“You two together?” The official asked. We shook our heads, looking at each other and giggling. “Sorry, but the way you were talking made me think you were. Who’s first?”
“After you Maddy.” I said. She giggled again. The official rolled his eyes.
Once she was through, Madeleine waited for me. The Customs official looked at where I was staying.
“You could be eligible for a US passport bud.”
“I could? But that would mean I wouldn’t have been able to talk to Maddy for so long.” He looked around at her and smiled.
“I guess you’re right. Have a nice stay.”
“Thanks.”
I walked with Maddy towards the arrivals door. She spotted her friends at around the same time I picked out my folks.
“Well, see you in three weeks then Maddy.”
“Yes.” She paused. “You will call me, won’t you?”
“Of course. Tomorrow too early?”
“Depends on what time.”
“Oh, after breakfast at least.” She laughed and we parted.
“Who was that nice girl you were talking to?” My Nan asked.
“A girl I met on the plane Nan.” A sudden thought struck me. “I said I’d call her while we were here, that will be all right won’t it?” She smiled benevolently at me and ruffled my hair as she had done for years.
“Of course you can Robert. It’s nice to see two people in love.”
“I wouldn’t say that Nan.” Again she just smiled as the three of us made our way out of the airport.

The phone rang and rang and rang. I was obviously calling too early. Suddenly they picked up.
“Hairl low.” A cheerful if somewhat out of breath male voice said.
“Errrr, could I speak to Maddy please?” I asked, my confidence vanishing like frost in sunlight.
“Mads, it’s that guy you said might be calling.” I heard him call out. “She’ll be here in a second or so bud.”
“I hope I haven’t interrupted anything?” I said as politely as I could.
”Naw! She’s just been trying to prove she could swim faster than me.”
“Can she?”
“I still got her beat over a short distance. Here’s Madeleine for y’all.”
“Robert! It is you, I’m so glad. Ignore Nigel’s terrible accent, he’s not really a yank.” She sounded out of breath.
“I thought I might be calling too early and it seems that you’ve been up and exercising for ages!”
“I wouldn’t say ages Rob.”
“But exercise, on holiday! It’s so un-English Maddy.” She laughed. I could picture her face as she did. I shook my head. This was ridiculous, I hardly knew her. We talked for a while, just banalities about where we were, the weather, and then I rang off. Maddy said she’d call tomorrow.
That was how it went for eight days, I called Maddy, she called me, we talked about nothing at all, we rang off. Into the second week of our holidays and Maddy was sounding… Not bored, but jaded. Everything was different and she needed something familiar to cheer her up. At least that was what she told me when she asked if we could meet. I borrowed my grandparent’s car and headed off to the city, carefully following a map. Maddy was where she said she’d be. I pulled up and opened the door. “Hello Maddy, jump in!” She slipped into the car.
“Hello Rob, thanks for coming.”
“Hey, why not? I can only photograph so many trees. What’s the plan?”
“Well, my friends live here all the time and everything seems natural for them, I just felt the need to be a bit ‘touristy’.”
“I know what you mean; to me and you it’s a whole new country, to the people who live here, it’s just where they live.” I looked at the gleam in her eyes and knew I’d hit a chord. “So, what do tourists in the US do?”
We decided to alternate our ideas. Madeleine went first and we ended up having breakfast at a diner. I spotted a place where you could face a baseball pitching machine and thought I’d like a go. Maddy wasn’t sure, but I persuaded her to face a few pitches too. The afternoon was taken up with a visit to the zoo. We wanted to go to a baseball game, but the home team were out of town, so we looked for a hockey game instead. Maddy had only ever seen British Ice Hockey before, but I had watched the NHL on TV for some time, so I knew what to expect. Or so I thought. The atmosphere at the game was phenomenal, and it was really exciting to watch.
Madeleine hung onto my arm as we wended our way back to the car, a contented look on her face. “I’ve been thinking.” She announced.
“Oh yes?” I replied cautiously.
“Could we hire a car from the airport and then tour the countryside for the rest of our time here?” I paused before answering; I knew my gran and gramps wouldn’t mind me going off before the end of my holiday, but this was a girl I had only met less than a fortnight ago. So what! I thought.
“All right, you get a car and then pick me up, I’ll organise a sightseeing route. How’s that sound?”
“It sounds perfect!” She looked at me, her eyes shining once more. “I’ll call you tomorrow and you can tell me where to pick you up.”

Madeleine honked on the horn of the hire car as she pulled up. I rushed out with my luggage and threw it into the trunk next to Maddy’s two cases. My Nan and gramps waved us off: My Nan’s parting word’s being. “Two youngsters in love.” I still wasn’t sure what she was hinting at.
“Which way now?” Maddy asked as I jumped in beside her.
“First star on the left and straight on till morning!” I said. She looked at me and laughed.
“Peter Pan?” She said.
“Actually I was thinking of ‘Star Trek’.” I said. “Head for the highway.”
My plan was to circle the city at a distance over the next nine days, spend the last night near the airport, and then we could catch the plane home. I hadn’t given much thought to where we might be staying. The first four days passed without much incident or drama. We cruised around, looked at scenery, took photos and then found a motel as it got dark, taking a room each. The fifth evening we had a problem, only one room available! It had separate beds though, so we took it, just being careful about each others privacy. The morning after, as we got back on the road, Maddy asked whether we needed separate rooms. “Why do you ask?” I said, a little surprised.
“Because one room, even with two beds, is cheaper.”
“Good point. We’ll do that then.”
That worked right up until the last night. The night before we were to catch the flight home after dropping off the hire car. The only motel with a vacancy only had one room, but it had only one bed! I was about to suggest I slept in the car when Maddy said we’d take the room and pulled me towards it. She must have seen the surprise on my face. “What’s the problem Rob?”
“Maddy, I can’t sleep in the same bed. Who knows what might happen?”
“You mean you might suddenly become a rabid sex maniac?” She laughed.
“I’m serious, I won’t be able to sleep, I know it.”
“Robert, I trust you, and I hope you trust me, so what’s the problem? Half a king-size bed each is probably more room than those skinny beds we’ve been sleeping in.” Unable to find a coherent argument I agreed, but insisted I slept above the sheets, while Maddy insisted that I have most of the duvet.
We dropped the car off and made our way to the check-in. I kept yawning.
“It looks as if I was wrong and you should have slept in the car.”
“Or on the floor.”
“Why couldn’t you sleep?”
“I worry.”
“What?”
“I worry. Last night I worried about what would happen if I started dreaming.”
“Dreaming? Everyone dreams.”
“What if I started dreaming about you? Called out your name or something? It could ruin everything.” She hugged me.
“You sweet nut! What a thing to worry about, to lose sleep about.” She pecked me on the cheek. “But thank you for worrying about me, it was very thoughtful. At least you should be able to sleep on the plane.” I shook my head.
“I think I told you on the flight over, I can’t sleep on a plane.”

I awoke with a start, my head resting on Madeleine’s shoulder.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Well, the man who can’t sleep on aeroplanes has been snoozing with his head on my arm for the last two hours.”
“Two hours! And I don’t feel in the slightest sick.”
“Nearly three.” Maddy reached across and brushed my hair down. “Do you realise that’s the longest time you’ve left me for over a week?”
“Sorry… I…” I started to say, and then realised that she was teasing me. In a flash I also realised what my Nan had been hinting at, I had fallen completely for this woman that I had only met three weeks ago. Was it some sort of holiday romance? Or was it for real? How did she feel about me? These and a hundred other little worries all queued up to be heard.
“Can you help me finish this crossword?” Maddy broke into my escalating thoughts.
“Sure, I’ll try. What have you got?”

We spent the rest of the flight on inanities, at least until we were on the final approach into Heathrow. Maddy handed me a business card with three or four numbers on it.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“So that you can call me now we’re home of course. Unless you don’t want to…” A look of disappointment started to cross her face.
“Sorry, I meant this business address. Of course I want to call you.”
“I run a business from home, web-based, so all I have to do is direct orders.” She perked up. “You never told me what you do.”
“Well.” I gulped, make or break. “I work for local government.”

Maddy and I parted as we left the terminal, she to get a taxi home, me to walk to the long stay car park.
“Call me!” Maddy said as she got into the cab.
“Sometime tomorrow!” I called out. The drive home would usually have been boring, but my mind was all of a fervour, thinking about Madeleine and our time together.

For the next few weeks, barely a day went by without us talking, either by phone or e-mail. Her phone was ringing and ringing, and then someone other than Maddy answered. It was a male voice. I suddenly realised that I’d never asked her if she had a boyfriend!
“Is Maddy there?” I asked nervously.
“Hold on a moment.” The voice said. I heard it calling away from the phone. “Hey sis, your guy’s on the phone.” I breathed a huge sigh of relief. She came on the line.
“Hi!”
“Hi yourself.”
“What are you doing this weekend?” Maddy asked me.
“I was going to an airshow.”
“Was?”
“Well, I’m open to suggestions.” She laughed.
“Be serious Rob.”
“Okay, serious. Wanna come?”
“Yes.”
“Now who’s not being serious?”
“I am being serious. I’ll meet you at the gate.”

I still didn’t believe her until I saw her waiting for me at the gates of the airshow.
“Jump in.” I said. “How did you get here?”
“My little brother dropped me off.”
“The one who answered the phone the other day?”
“Yes.”
“He gave me a scare. I suddenly realised that you might have a boyfriend.”
“I would have told you.”
“I know Maddy, I never doubted you. It was the worrier in me again.”
“Him again, he’ll have to go you know.” We both laughed.
“What made you want to come to an airshow?”
“Well, I thought a husband and wife should share interests.” I hummed in agreement as I parked the car, and then nearly crashed it as I realised what she’d said. “Careful, you’ll miss seeing the planes otherwise.” Maddy grinned at me.

“Dad, dad, that girl over there looks lonely. Can I go talk to her?”
“Son, I don’t know. I’ll ask someone shall I?” The flight attendant was passing so I called her across. “My fifteen year old son would like to know if he can talk to that girl on her own over there. Could you ask her if she minds?” She smiled and went to the youngster, who looked back and nodded. My son was off as soon as he got the nod.
“Like father, like son.” Madeleine leant her head on my shoulder and kissed me. I grinned and kissed her back.
“And where is our daughter?” I said, nodding at the empty seat at her side.
“She had to… well, you know.”
“So why is she sat two rows ahead of us with that striking looking young man?” Maddy peered ahead.
“He is quite cute looking.”
“Maddy!” We laughed. “There must be something in the air at thirty thousand feet that affects us.” I said.
“And our children.” Replied my beautiful red-headed wife.

Finding A Purpose

Not a great poem. Tried to rhyme a different way, but it doesn't scan well.



It was a moment that time won’t erase,
When I first saw her beautiful face,
Looking sad, tearful and bleak,
A tear rolling down her white cheek,
I stared at her for quite a while,
Then she looked up and gave me a smile,
I knew then that she was the one,
And moved quickly before she was gone,
Within moments I was at her side,
Asking her why she had cried,
She looked at me with some care,
And asked me why I was there,
I said she’d just looked so sad,
And I hoped it was nothing too bad,
She said nothing was wrong
It was only hearing that song,
It made her think of her past,
Of a die that was cast,
Of a love that was gone,
But life carries on,
I saw the hint of a chance,
And asked if she wanted to dance,
She looked up and nodded her assent,
I held her close as if it was meant,
I looked deep into her eyes,
And wondered if this was wise,
And suddenly I knew,
That this would never do,
She would always be,
The girl who was meant for me,
This was not a game,
I had to know her name,
I whispered in her ear,
Then waited for a year,
The time dragged by so slow,
But I just had to know,
She sadly shook her head,
My hopes of joy had fled,
And then she cracked a smile,
My heart it ran a mile,
She put her hand in mine,
And it had felt so fine,
She left me with a note,
And on it she had wrote,
She left me with her name,
But things were not the same,
She’d left me with a quest,
Knowing I’d never rest,
Until once more I’d trace,
The outline of her beautiful face,
My time I’m doomed to spend,
Seeking her is my fated end.

The Office Romance

A second story that I had to leave and go back to. The original premise I couldn't get to work, but turned out well I think.


Hello, my name is Dave and I’d like to tell you about my office romance. I’ve spoken with Megan and she says I can relate the details of our relationship. It all started with my new job. I had been having some problems and needed some time alone to think, the post of temporary night supervisor became vacant and I applied. It was an easy job, collating reports and sending them on to the appropriate people for the next morning. Most of the time I was in the building on my own, but once a night the security guard came over and checked on me. We usually had our meal break at this point in the evening, but after that it was just me. Or so I thought.
After about three weeks in the job I had settled into a routine. First thing was to complete all the reports. Sometimes this took an hour, sometimes as much as three hours. After this my time was pretty much my own unless an urgent job was e-mailed down from head office. After meeting with Mike the security guard, as long as my work was done, I used to check the open plan offices for him, making sure that this building at least was secure. As I said, I was three weeks into this routine when I met Megan. There had been little work to do on the computer, I had met with Mike and done my circuit of the building and now headed back to my part of the office. As I approached I could see that there was someone in the cubicle next to mine. A little surprised, I went over and challenged her. She looked around at me, but didn’t seem startled. I asked if she was supposed to be here and she showed me her ID badge.
Megan Collins was the name on it. I didn’t recognise the name and I hadn’t been told someone else was going to be working. (When I took the post they told me very occasionally a project might need to be finished but I would be told about it when required.) I was about to call Mike when she held out her hand and turned off the walkie-talkie.
“Please don’t.” Was all she said. I sat down beside her and asked what she was doing here at this late hour. “Just checking on how my work is getting on.” She replied. I didn’t press her, I was suddenly aware of how pretty she was. Her long hair not really dark but definitely not blonde, her green eyes framed by thin glasses. I had the feeling that she wanted to talk, but I couldn’t think of anything coherent to say.
“Have you been working here long?” Was the best I could come up with. (“Do you come here often?” for the workplace.)
“I started here about eight years ago.” She replied.
“I can’t say that I’ve seen you before.”
“I’ve worked nights for a long time.” This puzzled me, because, as I said, I thought I was the only one in the offices at night.
“Would you like some coffee?” I asked, getting up and going to the coffee pot.
“I’d love one.” Her voice seemed to fade as I moved away, and when I turned around with two coffees’ she had gone. I stood and looked around the deserted open plan office and she was nowhere to be seen, it was as if she had vanished into thin air.
I called out, but there was no reply. Megan had gone.
I didn’t see her again for nearly a week. When I left that morning I had checked the clock cards, but couldn’t see her name. That didn’t mean much as not everyone clocked in and out. I had a lot of work for the next couple of nights and in consequence didn’t get to speak to Mike. When I did get to speak to him, I had had two nights to realise how pretty Megan had been, but what he told me I could hardly believe. As soon as I asked if anyone else was supposed to be in the building he smiled and said: “You’ve met Megan then?”
“Yes, she was very pretty, but seemed a little distracted, and then she disappeared.”
“Megan Collins was one of your predecessors. She vanished about eighteen months ago. They found her car in the river but not her body. Since then she appears every so often in the offices.”
“She’s dead? A ghost?” I was astonished, she had seemed so solid.
“Yeah. Scared everyone who worked the night shift afterwards.” Mike paused. “She doesn’t scare you?” He asked.
“No, I don’t think so. She seemed lonely, and I thought she wanted to ask me something.”
“Maybe she did. They say ghosts are spirits who can’t rest until some task is finished. Perhaps she wants a hand?” He smiled.
“Maybe.” I looked at him. Either he was telling the truth about Megan, or he could make a fortune playing poker. “If I see her again I’ll ask.”
“Just be careful. I found the guy before you gibbering under his desk. I don’t think he’s been out in the dark since.”
“She means no harm I’m sure.”
Mike got up and pointed to the radio as he left.” If you’re wrong, call me.”
A couple of nights later, as I returned from my walk around the offices, I caught the hint of perfume in the air. I was a little puzzled until I recalled my first meeting with Megan, there had been a hint of perfume then too. Sure enough, she was sitting at the computer next to mine, staring at the screen. I walked up and sat next to her.
“Hello Megan, I’m glad to see you again.” She looked around at me disbelievingly.
“I thought you’d have found out about me by now, Dave.”
“Oh, I have.”
“And it doesn’t worry you?”
“Not at all. I’m intrigued, and by more than one thing.”
“Now I’m intrigued. All right, ask me.” She turned in the chair to face me. Again I was struck by her pretty face, glasses and all.
“How real are you?”
“Not “What’s it like being dead?” how disappointing!” She smiled, and then reached over and grasped my hand. “Real enough I suppose.” Her hand felt warm, not cold like I was expecting, and solid too. “Ask me another.”
“Why are you here, Megan?”
“You want me to go?”
“NO! No. I just want to know what brings you back here.”
“I don’t know actually.”
“I thought ghosts haunted because they needed to finish something.”
“Maybe they do, but I’m not exactly a ghost.” I turned as I heard Mike enter the open plan office. When I turned back, she was gone again.
Mike came over and saw the look on my face.
“She was here again?” I nodded. “That’s twice you’ve seen her. The record is only three.” I sat down distractedly.
“Have you ever seen her?” I asked.
“Me? No. Perhaps I’m not her type?” He laughed.
“You could be right; I was talking to her when you opened the door. In between looking round she vanished.” Mike hummed to himself.
“Perhaps I represent something she resents and doesn’t want to see.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I suppose I represent the company.” He slapped his head. “I know what it is! I was on duty the night she vanished; she feels I should have protected her.”
“But protect her from what? No one knows what happened to her.”
“That’s not the point is it? I’m a security guard and she disappeared on my shift. I was the last one to see her.”
“Tell me what you remember.” Mike sat down heavily, a look of sadness on his face.
“She clocked in, like you do, I said ‘Hi’, she came up here and went to work.”
“How do you know that?”
“I saw her on the cameras.” He said, pointing to the CCTV.
“But not what happened to her?”
“No.” He said, now hanging his head. “I saw her in here when I was doing my rounds, and gave her a wave. When I got back to my desk all the cameras were out, and the tapes were blank.”
“How long between..?”
“About an hour, I wasn’t rushing.”
“Anything else?”
“Well, all the lights flickered about ten minutes before I got back.”
“Possibly that spooked her, she left in a hurry and crashed her car?”
“I never got into my car.” Megan’s voice came from the computer speakers.
“What!!?” Mike and I both said.
“My car, I never got into it.” She said, materialising beside us. “Hello Mike. Long time no see.” Mike looked astonished.
“How did it end up in the river then?” I asked.
“Joy riders?” She said. Mike nodded.
“It’s possible.” He said. “We were having some trouble with kids hanging around back then.” He looked thoughtful, scratching his chin. “I could see what I can find out.” He looked at Megan again. “I should have done it then, I’m sorry, but we all assumed…” He tailed off and then made for his office.
“But what happened to you then?” I asked Megan, perplexed at why she let Mike go off on what was a wild goose chase. Megan sat down and pointed at another chair. I sat, letting her take her own time. It gave me another opportunity to look at her, taking in her business suit and the curve of her calf as she crossed her legs.
“I was working on a project of my own that night, an A.I. program.”
“Artificial Intelligence?” She nodded.
“It was pulling a lot of power from the mainframe, there was a power surge.”
“And that killed you? But what happened to the body?”
“No. I told you I wasn’t exactly a ghost.” She paused, pursing her lips and steepling her fingers. “It absorbed me.”
“What!” I was shocked, it seemed impossible.
“I was absorbed into the program. For the last 18 months I’ve been in the mainframe of the company computer.”
“How come no one has found the program?”
“No one has looked for it. Like Mike, everyone assumed I was in the car when it went into the river. All the reports had gone through, so it looked as if I’d finished and gone home.”
“I need to think about this, Megan. I need to check if it’s possible. I don’t disbelieve you, but it’s a lot to take in.” She smiled benevolently, lighting up her face in a new way.
“I knew you were the one to help me Dave. Call me when you’re ready.”
“How?”
“Just type my name into any document, I’ll know.” She shimmered in a disconcerting way and vanished.
For the next week all my spare time was spent reading, looking at books, documents and scientific papers. They all seemed to confirm that A.I. was a distinct possibility, but almost no-one had considered that a human could be absorbed into an A.I. program. The only one I found was a controversial paper that put forward the possibility of preserving some of the more powerful minds in the world in a similar way to what had happened to Megan. I also found out some things about Megan herself. She was a brilliant programmer who had left university after an argument with a professor to take up the post I now held. It seemed a comedown for someone with an obviously superb mind. I considered this and realised that the night supervisor post was perfect for her to continue her research. There was hardly anyone about, the computer was not being used, and with her skills she would have no problems keeping it quiet. I made my decision. Tonight I would see what she wanted.
Mike had been and gone. His pursuit of what had happened to Megan’s car seemed to bearing fruit, there being a couple of sightings of it when he knew she was still in the office. He was satisfied that a friend of his could get him some surveillance tapes from across the road that would confirm one way or another that it had been stolen. It was immaterial to me now, I believed Megan. I nervously typed her full name into a report. Nervous because I didn’t know what she wanted me to do. I hoped that she didn’t want me to erase her, because I had grown fond of her, possibly more than fond. As I pressed enter Megan materialised next to me, which was still a little scary.
“Hello Dave.”
“Hello Megan.” I stopped unsure about what to say.
“Finished thinking then?”
“Yes. I believe you.” Again I faltered, but carried on. “I also looked you up, I hope you don’t mind?”
“No, it’s nice to have some one interested in me again. What did you find?”
“I found out that you were considered one of the finest programmers at your University, and gave it up to come here.” She was about to speak. “I also worked out why Megan.”
“You seem to have been busy. Did you realise that this was what I was trying to achieve?” She waved her hand down her body.
“Actually, I hadn’t but it makes sense. You used yourself as a test subject.”
“Yes, typical mad scientist behaviour I suppose. I proved it will work, but I can’t let anyone know.”
“Why?”
“Too powerful a weapon in the wrong hands. I could destroy any computer system from within.”
“So you don’t want me to tell the world?”
“Heavens no! I don’t want Mike to know if I can avoid it.”
“I think I can throw him off track. He’s more interested in your car at the moment.” I paused, this was the big question. “You don’t want me to turn you off do you?” A hint of anxiety crept into my voice.
“What? No, nothing sinister like that. I’ve just got bored. I want you to make some additions to my program, so that I can interface with other programs.” She smiled at the worried look that was spreading over my face. “I’ll tell you what to do.” The look didn’t leave my face. “You’re worried about what programs aren’t you?” I nodded. “Nothing sinister, or sexy. I just want to be able to change my clothes, my hair, girlie things that I miss.”
“I like you the way you are Meg!” I blurted out. She gave me a huge grin.
“Why, thank you kind sir! That’s the nicest thing I ever had said to me, even before my experiment.” She held out her hand to me. “Please Dave, two lines of code, I’ll show you how and where.” I looked into her pleading green eyes and melted.
“All right, show me.”
The next few weeks passed quickly, Megan making sure she always appeared the same to Mike when the three of us met and talked. When Mike wasn’t there she delighted in appearing in different outfits which I later found out were part of some mail order catalogues internet ordering service. We sat and talked often. I learnt about what drove her to do what she had done, she learnt about the problems I’d been having which led me here. It was a wonderful time, only saddened by our parting when I had to leave for home. By now my short term contract was nearly up, and I knew I couldn’t leave her, but I also knew they didn’t want to renew my contract. I came up with an idea and hoped we could make it work between us.
The night I put the idea to her she appeared in a Britney Spears schoolgirl outfit.
“Hey! Nothing sexy you said.” I accused. She laughed.
“A special treat for you.” She became serious again. “Something has been worrying you, what is it?”
“My contract is up in a week, and they want to employ some school leaver at half my wage.”
“Oh.”
“I can’t leave you here Meg! I have an idea, but for it to work I’ll need your help.”
“Depends on the idea.”
“It depends on a lot of things. For example, could your program be moved?”
“To where?”
“My computer at home.”
“Probably, the program itself isn’t that big, just needs a lot of power, the materialization that is.”
“But is it possible?” She paused before answering.
“Yes. We could trim some things I suppose, but what makes you think I want to leave here?” I sagged; I should have asked her first! She doesn’t feel the same about me as I feel about her! Maybe she doesn’t feel at all now she’s a computer program. All these thoughts crashed into my head and I was about to turn away when I saw she was laughing. “Idiot! Of course I want to come with you.” She wiped her eyes. “Now, this is what you’ll need to do.” She gave me a list of things to do and some equipment we’d need, like a huge external USB hard drive. I also bought a second computer, brand new, never used, pristine in other words.
Tonight was the night. Not my last night, just in case the plan didn’t work and I had to bring her back. Megan had told me what to trim from the program, and assured me she would still be the same, in fact with a few tweaks, she wouldn’t use anywhere near as much power. I plugged in the USB hard drive, Megan giving me the administrative privileges that I needed.
“Here goes then,” I said, trying not to worry that I’d lose her.
“Wait, just in case I’m wrong about this, and I’m not the same later, I want to tell you how I feel.”
“I think I know Megan, why else would you let me try this?”
“Well, yes I suppose. Anyway, something else I’ve been thinking about. We could set up a business.”
“A business?”
“Yes. Computer repairs, computer security, stuff like that. You be the front man, and I’d go in and tell you what was wrong and how to fix it. What do you think?”
“Well, I was thinking something similar, but I thought we’d better leave it until we know whether it works or not. You might be a genius, but I’m not. I could have screwed something up.” She took my hands, looking deep into my eyes.
“You haven’t. And I love you.”
“I love you too Meg. Shall we see if we did good?”
“Yes. Do it.” I nodded and began to download her program onto the external drive.
I sat at my new computer and plugged in the external drive. Breathing a silent prayer of hope I pressed the ‘Run Program’. The lights dimmed momentarily and then Megan appeared. She looked the same. I breathed out. She looked around the room.
“This is nice, what about the rest of the house?” I laughed and hugged her.
“Go and have a look.”
“In a minute. There’s one thing I need to test.”
“What?”
“This.” She reached out and touched me on the cheek. “Great, I can still feel.” She looked relieved.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I asked.
“I wasn’t sure trimming the program would work completely, I thought I would become a ghost.”
“So, how much can you feel?”
“More to the point, how much can you?” She pulled me to her and kissed me, a long and deep kiss, our first proper kiss.
“Oh, I think I can feel more than enough, Megan.”
As I write this, Megan is downstairs looking around the house. She said I ought to write it down as it was a story that needed telling, and now we had time to tell it.
“Your typing is awful Dave.” Megan says, leaning over my shoulder.
“I thought you were looking over the house?”
“I was, but I just thought of something else I’d like to try…”

Paradox

Another specific subject, more problems talking with women.


The woman I love doesn’t like me,
She thinks I’m a bit of a nut,
So I stand around looking foolish,
And try to keep my mouth shut.

The girl of my dreams just ignores me,
To her I’m barely alive,
Few words to me has she spoken,
Regardless of how hard I strive.

The love of my life doesn’t like me,
She just passes me by,
I just step away quietly,
Sadly wondering why.

The light of my day doesn’t trust me,
She thinks I’m really quite odd,
And hurries away very quickly,
When I look and I smile and I nod.

The woman I love doesn’t like me,
And it’s starting to tear me apart,
I really want to tell her,
That she’s breaking my heart.

The woman I love is leaving,
Heading for pastures anew,
I suppose I’ll have to tell her,
Darling, yes, its you.

Heaven

This story had a long gestation. The first paragraph was written and then I was stuck for ages until inspiration struck. A couple of incidents made their way in and will give the game away if the right person ever sees it. Another song title borrowed. ("The Grand Old Lady" was the nickname of HMS Warspite: See my Flickr name.)


Dean looked up from the desk in his small office when he heard the door open. It was the Captain. He started to rise but the Captain waved him back into his seat, sitting down opposite him. “What strange and wonderful odd job have you got for me this time m’am?” She smiled. A lot of her officers didn’t know why she put up with Dean, and Dean himself wasn’t really sure. But the Captain knew that with all his vast experience in space, now nearly eighteen years, covering almost every area of the ships operation, Dean would rarely fail to find a way to complete any job she asked of him. On the ships roster Dean was nominally what they called a lower deck purser, he was the link between the passengers and the officers, but he also did hundreds of other small jobs, liaising between all the different departments and just generally keeping the Captains job so much easier. And of course, these little extra duties that she asked of him occasionally. Dean had been put up for promotion to junior lieutenant more than once, had actually filled in for some officers from time to time, but had turned the opportunity down, he liked being where he was. The Captain knew all this and accepted it now, making use of his skills when she needed to. This time was slightly different though.
“Dean, an old friend of mine is joining the ship for the run back to earth. Her ship was declared unspaceworthy after some idiot ran their light zipper into the engine. Most of the crew have been re-assigned, but she just wants to go home. I think she’s had enough. I just want you to keep an eye on her. I don’t mean follow her around or wait on her hand and foot, just make sure she’s comfortable.”
“Treat her like the rest of the passengers, you mean?”
The captain laughed. “Yes, I suppose I do, but.” She paused. “Alice has been through a lot and she is my oldest friend, and she has just been involved in what could have been a very nasty accident and...”
“Captain, I know what you mean. I’ll keep an eye on her and she won’t think it’s anymore than my job, I promise.”
“Thanks Dean. Come up to the bridge at 18:00 hours and we’ll go and help her aboard.”
“As you wish m’am.” The Captain left and Dean sat back and wondered what he’d let himself in for this time.

After presenting himself at the specified hour, Dean and the Captain left to collect Alice from the planet below, the Captain piloting the small shuttle herself for the launch, but persuading Dean to take over for the short trip down to the space port. For a long time she had been trying to get him to apply for a small craft licence, but he kept putting her off, saying all he needed to know was the emergency procedure.
Within an hour they were down on the planet, and Dean was looking at a large stack of luggage and wondering how they were going to get it all aboard the shuttle. Alice had seemed a little down at first, but had cheered up when he’d cracked a joke about picking up strange women on distant planets. The three of them hadn’t taken that long to stow all the gear, so they took off again fairly quickly, Dean piloting the shuttle after take-off so the two old friends could reacquaint themselves. He had long ago learned how to listen whilst seeming not to listen, and now hoped to pick up a little inside information on Alice to aid him in his task. He learnt she was marginally older than he was, shared several interests with the Captain much the same as he did, was tired of space travel, but still liked a party. It sounded like she was a fun lady to be with. The Captain took over the shuttle for the docking, so Dean moved next to Alice and struck up a conversation with her, nothing daring, just shipboard chit chat. How was she, was she going to need anything specific, was there anything he needed to know that could make her more comfortable? The Captain chuckled to herself as she heard him. They were questions he had asked a million times, of thousands and thousands of passengers, much as she had, but Dean somehow seemed to make it sound as if Alice was the first he had asked. It sounded like he was really interested in her. The Captain had a sudden thought and turned around to look at the two behind her. She smiled at what she saw; they were both trying to pretend that nothing was happening. But she recognised the soft look in her old friends face, and knew Dean well enough to spot the caring look he was giving Alice. This might do both of them good, she thought as she brought the shuttle in to dock with her ship, “The Grand Old Lady”.

After the shuttle docked the Captain took Alice to her cabin, while Dean oversaw the unloading of her luggage and its transport to the cabin or the hold. He didn’t see Alice again for a couple of days as his time was taken up with readying the ship for its voyage. Getting the passengers aboard and happy was his major priority, but he also had to know where everyone’s baggage was put, he had to settle in new members of his team of stewards and handlers and make sure they knew their jobs. Although it was not his responsibility he also checked that the entertainment staff were all okay as well. This meant he had little time to check up on Alice personally, but he made sure that the staff responsible for her cabin knew she was to be looked out for. As it was, it was a message from the Captain that had him rushing down to her cabin a day after departure. The call found him in his office, updating the last of his lists, Alice was having a panic attack, and the Captain couldn’t leave the bridge as they were about to enter hyperspace. Dean got the nearest first-aider to get to Alice’s cabin and then set off himself. It took him nearly fifteen minutes to get up there, and Alice had been calmed by his staff. As he arrived breathlessly in her compartment she threw her arms around him, hugging him to her. He nodded to the two crewmen who left, smiling.
“Are you all right now?” He asked. She nodded. “First time back in space since…?” She nodded again. “If you get worried and the Boss isn’t available, come and see me here.” He handed her the card with the position of his office on it.
“Thank you.” She said, now much calmer.
“Come and see me anytime you like really.” Dean suddenly blurted out. Alice smiled.
“We’ll have to see.” She said, kissing him on the cheek. Dean turned away, his hand to his cheek, appalled at what he’d just said, it was so unprofessional. And with the Captains best friend! He turned back to Alice.
“Can we keep what I just said between ourselves, I don’t think the boss ought to find out I’ve let her down so early. I don’t know what came over me, I’m sorry.” Now it was Alice’s turn to comfort him.
“If you think Beth will think less of you for being human I won’t tell her.”
“Thank you Alice.”
“One condition.”
“Yes?”
“You dance with me at least once tonight at the departure ball.”
“I can’t dance.” Dean almost wailed. Alice just looked at him. He smiled. “Okay one dance it is.”
“Good.” She kissed him on the cheek again, and pushed him out of the door.
Dean was late for the ball. One of the passengers had wanted something from one of the pieces of baggage they had stored in the hold, and he had had to locate the correct piece of luggage in the correct hold, bring it to the passenger, wait while they got what they needed and then put it back. Subsequently he was not in the best of humour by the time he got to the dance. It just seemed to him that he always got the people who didn’t read the luggage regulations and just packed willy-nilly. He finally managed to slip into the dance about an hour and a half late. He spotted Alice and the Captain over on the far side of the ballroom, but decided to keep out of their way for a while; he may already be in trouble. Instead he dropped into his helpful purser role, moving among the passengers, laughing and joking. More than once one or other of his stewards came up and asked his advice about something or in one case asked for his assistance in removing a tipsy passenger who seemed intent on causing trouble. The man wasn’t threatened, but it was pointed out that it was a long trip and it probably wasn’t a good idea to antagonise the other passengers. He saw sense and ambled off to sober up. Dean finally got himself a soft drink and somewhere to sit down. He scanned the room but couldn’t see the captain or Alice anywhere. As he sipped his drink a slinky voice behind him said:
“I was beginning to think you’d forgotten me.” He turned around and smiled at Alice. He hadn’t seen her when he sat down. “Beth has had to go up to the bridge.”
“Beth?”
“The Captain, the boss.”
“Sorry, can’t get used to thinking of her as anything but the boss. Have you said anything?”
“And miss out on my one guaranteed dance? No, I haven’t said a word. Not that it would make any difference to Beth.”
“She trusts me, so I hate to disappoint her.”
“Disappoint her?”
“Or you for that matter.”
“My lad, you have a lot to learn. And your first lesson is how to dance.” She pulled him to his feet and onto the dance floor.
“Alice you’re very pretty and could dance with anyone in the room, why pick someone with two left feet?”
“Because.”
“Because?”
“Because you look like you need cheering up.” He gave up and let her manoeuvre him into position. The band struck up an old, old slow tune that he happened to know the words too. As they started to dance, Alice pulled his hand behind her back, so that they were looking at each other face to face, and began to murmur the words to the song. Softly, Dean began to sing them with her. She looked up into his eyes and smiled, and laid her head against his shoulder. It was a long song and he’d forgotten how romantic it was, but with Alice held close to him he didn’t care. Eventually the song ended and they pulled away to applaud with everyone else.
“Thank you Alice.” Dean said.
“No, thank you. It’s been quite a while since I was serenaded.”
“Sorry about that, I got carried away. You won’t tell will you?”
“Dean, you don’t need to apologise to a girl for singing to them, and I think it may be a bit late for me to keep quiet.” Alice nodded to one side. The Captain winked at him from the ballroom door. Dean could feel his face redden, and then he remembered that he was due to see the captain in the morning and he groaned.
Dean knocked on the door of the Captains office. He saluted, and then handed her the envelope he had been carrying.
“What’s this Dean?” She asked.
“My resignation Ma’am, after last night I thought it might be best.”
“Dean, you amaze me.” She said, handing it back to him. “Why did you think I would accept this?”
“Well…” Dean faltered. “I just thought that maybe it would be best. I must have broken half the rules for my post.”
“Who asked you to keep an eye on Alice?” She asked. “Who asked who for the dance?” Dean squirmed.
“What about the singing?” He mumbled.
“I’m not sacking someone for singing, however badly.” She smiled again, this time her mischievous grin.
“You heard me then?” He replied with relief.
“Just go away and do what you do best, Dean. Leave the worrying to me.” He saluted and made towards the door. “Just be careful around Alice. She’s my oldest friend, but she can be a bit careless with other people’s feelings. I don’t want to see either of you hurt.”
“No ma’am.”
“And Dean.” He paused in the doorway. “No more singing please.”
“No ma’am”

It stayed that way for the next two or three weeks. Alice settled into the rhythm of the ship and made friends with a lot of the other passengers and crew. They sometimes met when he was on ship business, but she never called on him. He was relieved and disappointed at the same time. Alice had breathed something into him he didn’t think he still had, desire for something other than his job. Then came the big party.
It was The Grand Old Lady’s 5000th planetfall, something not many interplanetary liners achieved, and a huge celebration was held on the planet. Every crewman who could be spared was there. Dean had offered to stay aboard but the Captain insisted he attend. Apparently he had been aboard for more planetfalls than any other member of the crew and so was obligated to attend. The party was one of those momentous ones where no one is sure what happened, even Dean, who was notorious for not getting drunk. He remembered dancing with Alice again, but he also danced with the captain and three or four of the other female crew. What he did remember was sitting and watching Alice for most of the night, increasingly frustrated that he didn’t have the nerve to ask her for another dance. What he really wanted to do was ask her out for a meal, but he never got the chance.

The evening after he was in his office listlessly shuffling paper around, bemoaning the fact he’d broken his own number one rule and got himself involved with a passenger, when the captain came in and sat down opposite him.
“Okay Dean, tell me.”
“Tell you what ma’am.”
“Don’t give me that ma’am stuff. I’m asking as a friend, what is the matter?” Dean sighed.
“I’m sorry Boss, I’ve tried nearly everything I can think off, but the fact is I can’t get Alice out of my mind. I’ve let you and the company down.” He bowed his head.
“I did warn you.”
“I know. The only thing left to try is to add her to my story file.”
“What?”
“I have a small file of short stories about women I’ve fallen for, usually without them knowing. It provides a sort of alternative universe, where “happy ever after” lives.”
“What sort of stories?” The captain asked darkly.
“Oh! Nothing like that, just romances, or in some cases a sort of open letter, just so that I can get my feelings out in the open.”
“Does it work?”
“Sort of. It usually helps.”
“I’ll leave you to it then.” She got up to leave. “Don’t forget the reports though.”
Dean sighed and began his reports for the day. Two for the Captain, one for the engineer and one for the company representative on the planet. He opened a bottle of spirits and he began to write to Alice, confidant that whatever he wrote she would never read it.

He was woken in the morning by a hammering on the door of his berth, next to his office. It was one of his stewards, a pretty girl called Zoë. “Dean, come quick. The Captain has just had a blazing row with her friend in the breakfast lounge.” He was instantly awake and rushed into his office pulling on his uniform. A horrible thought struck him and he quickly looked all over his desk for the letter he’d written for Alice, it was gone.
“Zoë, has anyone taken anything from my desk?”
“Yes, I took all the outgoing post to the delivery office earlier.”
“How many items?”
“Five, four reports and a letter.”
“Oh bloody hell.” He ran out of the office, picking up his resignation again, and hurried up to the Captains office.

Outside the ready room door Dean stopped and composed himself. He knocked and then entered when told to do so. The Captain had her back to him, lost in thought.
“I think you’ll have to accept it this time Boss.” He said, laying the envelope on the desk again.
“Accept what, Dean?”
“My resignation, I’ll stay here until I can find another ship.”
“Exactly what are you talking about, you idiot.”
“Well…” Dean was nonplussed. “Your argument with Alice. The letter I wrote to her has been delivered by mistake, and that must have caused the …” He trailed off. He looked at the Captains desk; the post hadn’t been delivered yet.
“Contrary to popular belief, not everything on this ship revolves around you Dean. Alice and I had an argument about her sudden desire to join this ship. And now I can see why.”
“But…” Dean stopped. “Permission to go and try to find this letter before she reads it ma’am.”
“Well you can try I suppose, but I think it might be too late.”
“Post hasn’t been delivered yet ma’am.” He said, indicating her empty in tray.
“Go on then.” He saluted, picked up his resignation for a second time and ran for the door.
The Captain smiled to herself, her devious little plan seemed to be working. What Dean hadn’t seen at the planetfall ball had been Alice watching him like he had been watching her. She had decided on some positive action to resolve the impasse the pair had got themselves in. After her meeting with Dean the previous evening the Captain had found Zoë and made sure she would collect all the papers on Dean’s desk and personally deliver anything that wasn’t a report. She’d also got her to make it sound like it was an accident. Zoë was a good girl, officer material, and understood what was expected of her. That had worked well; the morning’s argument had been a happy accident and had been a suitable catalyst. She sat back and wondered how they were going to mess it up this time.

Alice’s cabin was locked, but Dean knew more than one way of gaining access to a locked cabin. He slipped in, making sure Alice was absent, and then began to look for the offending letter. It wasn’t here; it must still be at the delivery office! He turned and was about to leave when Alice came in.
“So, she sent you to talk to me did she?” Dean was horrified, now he was really in trouble.
“Alice, please listen. I’m here to try and prevent a tragedy.”
“Don’t be so dramatic. Beth and I argue all the time, we’ll get over it.”
“It’s not that, it’s… It’s something I’ve done. A mistake. A letter that…”He stopped. He could see the open letter in her hand. “Have you read it Alice?” He asked in a small voice, not sure which answer was going to be better.
“It is addressed to me.”
“I know, but it was never meant to be sent. It was just a way to try and put you out of my mind.”
“I’m not sure that I want to be put out of your mind.”
“What do you mean?”
“Dean, no one has ever written such a heartfelt, beautiful letter to me. I never realised how you felt for me.” Dean looked down. It was going to be difficult but he was going to have to say the words.
“Alice, I’m really sorry. I find it hard to talk to women, but it’s easy to write what I feel, especially if I have a drink. And last night everything just flowed. I’ve never written so much at once before.” He stopped, not knowing what to say next.
“Why didn’t you say anything, all the time we could have been together and you wasted it.” Dean was a little shocked to hear the bitterness in her voice and then he knew why.
“Why didn’t you say anything to me, Alice?” He asked quietly.
“Oh, well, it seemed wrong. At first I thought you and Beth had something going, and then I was embarrassed about thinking that, and then you were hardly speaking to me and…” She tailed off when she saw the look on his face.
“Me and the Captain? But… but she’s the captain.”
“I figured that out and then asked her about you.”
“Why?”
“Well I thought maybe you were not interested in women.”
“I don’t give that impression do I?” Dean asked worriedly.
“No, you don’t, but my usual charms didn’t seem to be working so I thought I’d ask Beth.”
“You asked the Captain that?”
“Yes, she thought it was funny.”
“I think I’d better go and hand this over for a third time.” He sighed, taking his resignation out yet again. It was starting to look a little worn. Alice snatched it out of his hands and tore it up. Then she took his head in her hands and pulled him to her, kissing him like her life depended on it. Dean started to pull away, but gave in to his feelings. He spoke as they parted.
“The boss warned me about you, and I warn all my team about falling in love with passengers, and here I am, disregarding every piece of advice, every sensible rule, and do you know, I don’t care anymore.”
“You are a straight-laced over-romantic nut, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I’m afraid I am.”
“What are we going to do now?” Alice asked him, a sparkle of mischief in her eyes. He stopped to think, and put his arm around her, kissing her on the cheek.
“Well.” Dean said slowly. “We could always ask the Captain to marry us…”